"Operator, run this licence plate please Echo Alpha Tango Alpha Delta India Charlie Kilo" - Me, if I was a cop on the day I got fired.
police officer jokes
1,273 total · showing the first 120 · page 3 of 5
Cop: know y I pulled u over? Wife: to invite me to the state trooper's ball? Cop: state troopers don't have balls Me: BAHAHA Cop: drive safe
British humor A cop walks into a bar responding to a call about a youngster making a ruckus. He asked the young lad "just what are ya getting on with lad?" The lad responds," none of yobishness mate"
sir do u know why I pulled u over? "actually yes officer I do, im a psychic. but DO YOU know why you'll beat me with your club in 1 minute"
I got caught in police speed trap yesterday. The officer walked up to my car and said "I've been waiting all day for you " Well I said. I got here as fast as I could.
Yes officer, I did hit a pedestrian, but instead of dwelling on that why not focus on how many I've missed?
[DUI checkpoint] Cop: I'm gonna need you to follow my finger Me: As long as it doesn't tweet inspirational stuff
A cop pulls a guy over.... And asks the man "sir have you been drinking tonight?" Looking around the car bewildered he replies "why is there a fat bitch in here?"
As a customs officer, I don't always agree with people... ...but I see where they come from.
Cop: Know why I stopped you? You didn't, the brakes did. Cop: But do you know why? Cuz I pressed the pedal with my foot? Cop: Get out.
Cop: First name please... "Frida" Cop: Last name... "Gomam" Cop: You're Frida Gomam? *peels out* Cop: Nice, nice
Policeman: How can you drive so recklessly? Driver: I have to this is a getaway car.
Reckless driving, pot allegations and cop visits, Justin Bieber is a bad wig away from being the next Amanda Bynes.
[highspeed chase] ANCIENT GREEK COP: Damn they're getting away *turns on Siren* [several nearby ships are lured to their doom]
When a cop pulls you over, never start a sentence with, "This may be the alcohol talking, but..." Trust me on this one.
[Interrogation room] Good cop: "Confess and we will go easy on you" Sweet tooth cop: "You bes- *hears music* -ICE CREAM MAN!" *runs outside*
Me: I hit the ejector seat and sent her through the roof by accident Cop: you're under arrest. I'm taking you to jail Me: let's take my car
CRIME SCENE me: four dots in his neck, i suspect two vampires british officer: what about that bloody fork me: this is no time to eat sir
An Iraqi officer calls all Saddam's doubles and says: I have good and bad news. Good news is that Saddam is alive. Bad news is that he lost an arm.
A police officer in Alabama finds... ...a black man with his arms and legs chopped off. He reports "the worst case of suicide he's ever seen."
Fox News: Witnesses are telling us Michael Brown may have charged Officer Darren Wilson atop a dragon, wielding a poison-tipped broadsword
It's not illegal to tell a ghost story when a cop shines a flashlight in your face
My parole officer said "You know who you hurt the most when you go joyriding?" "Joy's husband."
my lawyer wants me to turn myself into the police but I keep telling him impersonating a cop is what got me into trouble in the first place