My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.
short jokes
140,386 total · showing the first 120 · page 1 of 5
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language
Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.
MOM: "How do I look?" DAD: "With your eyes."
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
Dad: “Call me George.”
What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!”
Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!
3 unwritten rules of life... 1. 2. 3.
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!
KID: "Dad, make me a sandwich!" DAD: "Poof, you’re a sandwich!”
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
SERVER: "Sorry about your wait." DAD: "Are you saying I’m fat?”
"I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy."