list joke jokes

3 unwritten rules of life... 1. 2. 3.

I don't like 2k+1. He's so odd.

Two rules for success! 1. Never reveal everything you know.

I heard NASCAR was a distant cousin of Formula 1. I guess that's what they mean by race relations.

What are the three kinds of women's cancer? 1. Breast Cancer 2. Ovarian Cancer 3. Feminism

ESPN just did a Top 5 Greatest Comebacks of All Time and there was some guy running with a ball but like literally no mention of Jesus

Reasons to bake a cake after the kids go to bed: 1. To surprise them with it. 2. So they never know you ate an entire cake without sharing.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN RELIGION

What are the two biggest lies a man will ever tell? 1. The check is in the mail 2. I promise I won't cum in your mouth.

My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings: 1. Murderer 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking

Take a pistol 1. Take a pistol 2. Point it to your head 3. Pull the trigger WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND

THE TOP TEN WORDS OF 2012!! 1. End 2. Of 3. Year 4. Top 5. Ten 6. Lists 7. Are 8. Exercises 9. In 10. Stupidity

The top 3 worst STDs according to logic... 1. A child 2. Feelings 3. AIDS

1. Get tipsy. 2. Go into a tanning bed. 3. Pretend you're a panini.

Rules for a happy relationship 1. The wife is always right. 2. If the wife is wrong, see rule number 1. i know it's an old joke but it's my favorite

Did you know frogs can jump higher than houses? This is for two reasons: 1. Frogs have extremely strong hind legs. 2. Houses can't jump.

My hobbies include 1. Refreshing the same fucking apps over and over 2. Winning arguments in my head that are already over 3. Starring into the fridge because I'm bored ...

(-i)^2=-1. Moral: If you fiddle with imaginary problems too much, shit's gonna get real.

The 4 stage of life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus 2. You don't believe in Santa Claus 3. You are Santa Clause 4. You look like Santa Claus

Cookies from Best to Worst: 1. Chocolate chip 2. Girl Scout 3. Oreos ... ... 727. Browser 728. Tossed 729. Raisin

Three infinite things Only three things are infinite: 1. Universe 2. Human stupidity 3. WinRar trial

Energizing breakfast smoothie: 1. 2 cups chopped kale 2. 1 ripe banana 3. 1/8 tsp flax oil 4. 1/2 cup coconut water 5. 3 grams of cocaine

Thor is definitely one of my top 5 favorite movies about hammers.

How to Be Good At Twitter 1. don't be 2. don't have that be your goal 3. aim higher 4. seriously, go outside or something