My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
aging jokes
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A man walks into a pub and sits down next to an old man, who looks pretty sad. He asks him what’s wrong. The old man replies: “See this pub? I crafted these bricks in my own kiln, laid the foundations and built the whole thing myself! But do they call me Alan the Bricklayer? No!” He points out of the window. “See that fence? I chopped down the trees, hammered the nails and put the whole thing together. But do they call me Alan the Fence Builder? No!” Then he says, “See that beer you’re drinking? I brewed it myself, using my own special recipe that has been handed down through my family for generations. But do they call me Alan the Beer Brewer? No!” He slammed his fist on the bar and sighed. “But you make love to a sheep one time...”
"My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals."
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
I just paid $25 for a hot 20 year old chick to rub her boobs all over me I love having my hair cut.
FIRST MONSTER: I'm going to a party tonight. SECOND MONSTER: Oh are you? FIRST MONSTER: Yes I must go to the graveyard and dig out a few old friends.
I almost bought a huge library out of old computer programming books... ...but the ascii price was way too high.
'Pizza Hut, can I take your order?' Me: 'May I speak with the owl, please?' 'Who?' Me: 'Hahaha, that never gets old! Large pepperoni.'
I come from a long line of people with convenient principles *helps an old lady cross the street because a girl is watching*
What does DNA Helicase and a 16 year old boy have in common? the both want to unzip your genes. if you didnt get it: https://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20121209104938AAKihOC
Today at work a patient told me he had pyramid shaped cataracts in his eyes He was an old Giza
My 7 year old told us some nut jokes. What do you call a nut on a wall? A walnut! What do you call a nut at the beach? A beech nut! What do you call a nut in the toilet? A peanut!!
Whats the difference between and old computer and a woman? a computer accepts a 3.5 inch floppy
If I were a fashion designer I wouldn't spend any money on advertising but rather pay old people to wear my competitor's clothing
Bruce Willis... Bruce Willis will probably keep making action movies. Because, you know what they say about old habits...
A senior partner with a herniated disc limps into a conference room Coworker 1: "I feel like the world's moving in slow motion" (pause) Coworker 1: "Oh wait, it's just Charlie" (motions at partner)
One day my kids will find a "We're Closed" sign for a grocery store & ask what it is & I'll sound like the old guy explaining shit in Zelda.
Yo mama's so old... Her age has to be expressed in scientific notation!
22 year old me after a night of drinking: "I hope I didn't do anything stupid." 29 year old me: "I hope I didn't agree to go on a hike."
Old But Gold Two dyslexic men walk into a bra...
Can't wait to get old so I can shower sitting down.
what do my ex and my toilet have in common? They both keep bringing up old shit
My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn't believe in reincarnation either".
What an old women's vagina taste like? Depends