shock humor jokes

Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you're nuts.

I accidentally sent a photo of my penis to everyone in my address book. Not only was it really embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.

Fast and Furious [NSFW] I asked my girlfriend to give me road head and we got into an accident. I guess next time I should be the one driving.

What's the difference between jam and marmalade.... You can't marmalade your cock, up a girls' ass!

What do you call a sex toy bought at IKEA? A "One Night Stand"

I just paid $25 for a hot 20 year old chick to rub her boobs all over me I love having my hair cut.

You know what i hate the most about Sex Ed? that he's been convicted of several cases of sexual assault

My girlfriend's vagina is like a Tesco shopping trolley It takes a pound in.

What receives a man's first blowjob? An NES cartridge.

A priest and a rabbi... A priest and a rabbi see a young boy. Priest: "Let's fuck him." Rabbi: "Out of what?"

I recently heard Lorena Bobbitt died in a car accident ... Some dick cut her off

Do you know what a girl says when she sees a big...NSFW Do you know what a girl says when she sees a big dick? *when the person says: 'no what'* I do

Why did the eunuch farmer wake up late? he had no cock!!!

i just found the HOTTEST porn video: "girl uses logic during argument". oh god, i'm gonna nut just typing thissssssfjdksfjsjfa..........

My husband said he needs to have sex and now he is mad at me. Apparently, asking 'with each other' was the wrong response.

Oh shit, my computer uses U.S. English. I wanted to 'save' the document but accidentally blew it up.

I have a really funny dick Girls laugh every time they see it.

I was going to make a gay joke... Butt fuck it.

Sarah Jessica Parker had a leaked sex tape... The man has been arrested for bestiality.

Why is sex like a game of bridge? -You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.

My Dad always said never use any shortcuts. Probably why it takes him so fucking long to do anything on the computer

When I go down on you, it makes you very happy. And when I come back up I will fuck you good and hard. What am I? Gas prices.

My new favorite sex position... Is called the JFK. It's where I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.

My new Girlfriend told me "A small penis shouldn't be a problem in a loving relationship" I still wish she didn't have one.