When I was 8 yrs old, I walked to school by myself; now you have to hold your kid's hand right up to their first drug deal.
aging jokes
3,890 total · showing the first 120 · page 2 of 5
What did Thomas Jefferson grow? Old.
Honey, I made the news! Apparently that old lady I fought at the library wasn't a ghost
My wife Googled "how responsible does a 10yr old need to be to stay at home without a babysitter" and now she won't let me stay home alone.
A pedophile and an 8 year old are walking into the forest.. The kid says to the pedo, "I am scared" The pedo replies, "You're scared?? I have to walk back alone!"
I Like My Rum Like I Like My Woman... 12 Years Old And Mixed Up With Coke.
A 9 year old patient in the hospital i work at had to have his leg amputated. He asked the doctor "will my leg ever grow back?" The Doctor replied "sorry Johnny, you only limb once"
"Are you smarter than a 5th grader?" Me: "Sometimes?" "Are you smarter than a 16 year old?" Me: "Always."
5-year-old daughter: I don't like my princess shoes with the heels. Me: Do they hurt your feet? 5-year-old: I can't run from zombies.
On my 5 year old's report card it said, "He is encouraged to ask more questions". ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
What is the Sun's favorite candy? Starburst! Another one from my 9 year old. I don't know where he gets it.
I'm an 8 day old fetus And I believe music from the olden days is better than today's shit.
Whose son was Edward the Black Prince ? Old King Coal !
We're throwing a surprise retirement party for a guy at the office and the "party" isn't the surprise.
HER: You promised me you were over your Bruce Willis obsession. ME: Sorry. Old habits die hard with a vengeance.
They should make Star Trek toilet paper... ...so you can help wipe Klingons off Uranus. (been a while since this one's been around. Just heard it again today from my 5 year old niece)
Why was the 6 month old Nigerian unhappy? He was having a mid life crisis.
Why did the 80-year-old man call his dick Jesus? It takes 3 days for it to rise again.
What did the 11 year old junior paleontologist and 50-cent music lover with cancer receive from the one wish foundation? A Rap Tour
"Out with the dead, in with the old." - Nursing homes
A joke from my old physics professor.. How Long is a battleship. True or false? False. How Long is a man from China.
I am 48 and my wife is 8 months pregnant. am i too old to be a dad?
What do hamburger workers say on Monday morning? Well it's back to the old grind!
I like it when my kids are old enough to drink out of the toilet on their own. That way I don't have to get out of bed to get them a drink.