A girl asks her mother for a Barbie doll and a G.I. Joe doll for Christmas. “But Barbie comes with Ken,” her mother said. “No,” the girl replied, “she just fakes it with Ken”.
christmas jokes
2,161 total · showing the first 120 · page 1 of 5
Pro tip: No matter how much you hate wrapping, never ask your wife to wrap her own Christmas presents.
What's the similarity between Bill Cosby and Santa have in common? They both come when you're asleep.
People who decorate their cars for Christmas are in serious need of help.
I'm so poor that for Christmas my mom cut a hole in my pants so I would have something to play with.
I didn't send Christmas cards this year, what with the economy and all. Mostly I'm just lazy, but blaming the economy is so much more fun.
"Mommy, why did Santa decide to deliver presents on Jesus' birthday." Shits about to get REALLY dishonest up in here.
I asked my grandma what she wanted for Christmas & all she said was "a race war" (??)
What did David Bowie want for Christmas? Carrie Fisher.
If I could be Brad Pitt for a day, I'd dress Angelina in a Santa Suit and beg her to violate herself with a Hickory Farms Summer Sausage.
I can't believe it's Christmas eve eve eve and they're making me work.
What's a hairdressers's favourite Christmas song? 'Oh comb all ye faithful'
I'm not sure if putting Christmas lights up would offend my Jewish neighbours. So just to be sure, i'll hang a massive swastika in my window too.
I've received so many Christmas cards from people I don't know this year, probably because they weren't addressed to me.
What do you call a camel in the North Pole? Lost..... Why the fuck would a camel be in the North Pole?
Enthusiasm 365 days until Christmas and people already have their trees up.
December 23rd should be called Christmas Adam since it always comes before Christmas Eve.
What did the black kid get for Christmas? My bike
A jewish Santa enters an house and asks... "OK kids, what do you want to buy ?"
"Shoot it down." "But, Mr. Putin... it's clearly a sleigh... pulled by Reindeer." "Shoot. It. Down."
What did the little boy with cancer get for Christmas? AIDS
Why doesn't Santa Claus have any kids? Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down a chimney.
How come there are like a thousand songs about Christmas but only one song about the boys being back in town? This is not original
Why does Santa have an enormous sack? He only comes once a year.