work jokes

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.

What's the process of applying for a job at Hooters?

"I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section."

A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing nothing but plastic wrap. The psychiatrist takes one look at him and says, “I can see you’re nuts”.

What’s the difference between your job and your partner? After five years, your job still sucks.

Video game are cool because they let you experience fantasies. For example, in the Sims, you have a job and a house

Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.

My buddy's autistic twin brother has a seizure while on a camping trip, causing my buddy to miss his first day on the job at Dominoes. "Tell the manager your brother had a Little Caesar"

So a patient walks into my therapist office... [INFORMATION PROTECTED BY THE HIPPA]

Getting a job right out of college... ENTRY LEVEL JOB OPENING: Hiring recent college grads. REQUIREMENTS: 5 years of experience, 6 Olympic gold medals, and super powers.

Mark Ruffalo Went into a Job Interview The interviewer asked "What's your strong suit?" "Oh, you know, the Hulk costume."

monica lewinsky had one job.... and she sucked at it.

A senior partner with a herniated disc limps into a conference room Coworker 1: "I feel like the world's moving in slow motion" (pause) Coworker 1: "Oh wait, it's just Charlie" (motions at partner)

"I'm going to the post office. I need a place stamp" Wtf is that? "I dunno but this envelope says I need one here"

If I can make even one person laugh on here then I'm not doing my job. The job I actually get paid for.

I got a job digging graves, I don't know how, I just fell into it.

Next time a job interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years, say "Why TELL you when I can SHOW you?" then just sit there for 5 years.

If you think your job is meaningless remember that in the BMW factory, there are people whose job is to install turning lights

So a white man walks into a plastic surgeon's office... [FIXED] He tells the plastic surgeon, "I want to become a black man."

How could I forget, mate? At an Australian parliament meeting, two guys were shouting back and forth and one said: "I am a country member!" and the other said: "Oh, I remember!"

A man walks into the doctor's office wearing nothing but cellophane (saran-wrap). Dr. says, "Clearly I can see your nuts!"

I am thinking about pursuing a job as a crowd estimator I wonder how many people are in that field

My boss said "You're the worst fucking train driver ever," "How many trains have you derailed to date?" I replied "It's hard to keep track."

The company hates when I helicopter into work. It's always, "zip up your pants and go see HR now!"