politics jokes

The US Government

Why has the Malaysian Government banned Cheese Boards? Because people keep reporting they've found de brie.

I just used a Saddam Hussein jelly mould.... I think I've set a dangerous president.

So the Zika virus causes tiny brains huh? Something something something Congress something something Donald Trump.

Breaking News! President Putin have decided to restore Crimea territory to Ukraine. But President Poroshenko was so drunk and just declined the offer.

Who is the funniest American politician? Hillarious Clinton

What's the biggest lie of the election? Voting machines aren't hackable.

I don't understand how people aren't inspired by Donald Trump He proof literally anyone can be president

A politician set out to create the most jobs Crime creates lots of jobs - police, insurance, repairs, medical if its violent crime, lawyers... and so was born the criminal nature of politicians.

How do government employees wink when they're at work? They briefly open one eye.

"Because it would be hilarious," is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.

What if all conspiracy theories are started by the government in order to cover up what they're really doing?

The government says 50 terror plots have been thwarted since NSA surveillance. What a perfectly even, unsuspicious number.

A life-long politician and an orange are on stage in front of millions of Americans. What do they do? They start insulting each other.

Mitt Romney announcing he's not running for president is like Johnny Depp announcing there won't be a sequel to Mortdecai.

Is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, I might vote for it.

There are two things I hate in every politician: their face.

If Donald Trump is elected president... there'll be hell toupee.

So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. That is the joke. There's no punchline here.

Why don't Greek people need sex? The government fucks them everyday!

Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.

So it looks like there was a paedophile ring operating at the heart of Thatcher's government. I don't know why everyones so shocked, they were well known for fucking miners.

What is the difference between Trump supporters and everyone else? Trump supporters vote

Jeb! Jeb Bush: I hereby suspend my presidential campaign with immediate effect. Audience claps Jeb: You guys are assholes!