dating jokes

It's not cool to skip on dating someone who talks funny -- just because your english is gooder than theirs be.

Chick on tinder < chicken tender

What's the best part about dating twenty two year olds? There are 20 of them.

[first date] HER: I really like you ME: I like you too HER: So did you bring protection? ME: *gesturing to my bodyguard* Yeah, this is Tony

DATING IN THE 1800s 1) Get telegram from Mae 2) Wait to respond. Don't be desperate 3) Get telegram that Mae died of dysentery while waiting

Dating: *prances around in underwear and his t-shirt* Marriage: *Unzips footed unicorn onesie* Do you think this mole is cancer?

Let's take a moment this Valentine's Day to think about how awkward it is for all the couples who started dating in January.

I like dating chicks with kids, because snacks

What would you call Benedict Cumberbatch if he was dating a giraffe? The Neck-Romancer

Be careful when online dating, if someone describes themselves as outdoorsy, they might just be homeless.

If I was a marriage counselor I would just make the couple look at a dating website for 20 minutes.

"I want a guy who treats me right, listens to me and makes me feel good. But until then, I'll keep dating a$$holes and complaining." Women

Dating is like playing musical chairs. Somewhere between 25&30 the music stopped& everyone grabbed a husband. I must've been in the bathroom

(Disney Dating Tips) 1.Kidnap Dad 2.Coerce Daughter 3.Awkward music-filled dates 4.Angry mob danger 5.Stockholm Syndrome -Beauty & the Beast

What's a rednecks favorite part of archaology? Relative dating

There's a new dating site for bestiality enthusiasts It's called Petfinder.com

Sorry babe, you knew you were dating a bad boy [shuffles Pokemon cards without the plastic covers]

[first date] HER: You smell so good. What are you wearing? ME: *nodding and sniffing myself* Mashed potatoes with gravy.

DATING TIP: Surprise your date! Show up a day early.

Why did the plant use a dating service? To find its stomate!

Dating is basically lying to women about how you like to travel.

What did the mushroom put in his bio for the online dating service? Im a fungi

(First date) Me: Don't let her know you're a satanist Her: So what do you do for fun? Me: WHATEVER THE DARK LORD COMMANDS

On a first date: Her - So what do you do? Me - I am currently working on eliminating all cancers. Her - Wow, that's impressive! Me - Then I'll move onto Capricons.