doctor jokes

I have a rare muscle disease that causes my hands to write racist things that I don't remember later. The Doctor is calling it Ron Palsy

A man goes to the doctor with a terrible rash on his nuts The doctor says, "well you'll have to stop masturbating". Man says "why?" Doctor says, "because it's making it really hard to examine you"

My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I'd have to stay away from carbs So I've been using this insanely long straw to drink beer

I dont 'scrub up' like a surgeon after using the urinal because growing up, they taught us not to piss all over our hands n arms, you baboon

Doctor, doctor! I think I'm a pair of curtains! Well that's more of a mental health issue, I'm not really qualified to help you.

Doctor, the suppositories you prescribed for me are horribly bitter! -- Have you been ... eating them? -- No, I've been shoving them up my ass!

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

LPT: Don't let a doctor examine you without clothes on Make him put his clothes on

"Can someone call me a doctor?!" You're a doctor. "Please I'm losing my patience!" You're a terrible doctor.

A doctor enters a patients room and pulls out an anal thermometer from his pocket and says Damn. Some asshole has my pen.

I went to the doctor and told him I thought I might be a kleptomaniac. He said, "Here, take these pills." So I took them.

What did the doctor say to the man wearing cling-film? I can clearly see you're nuts

Doctor Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots ? I never make rash promises !

Got bad news today. Doctor says I have Nimitz Disease. But don't worry. I'm just a carrier.

The other day my doctor told me I had to stop masturbating... ...when I asked why, he said "So I can finish the examination."

Hillary's doctor tells her she has the heart of a 20 year old And now he wants her to give it back to whoever she carved it out of their chest.

My Boyfriend hates it when we role play and I'm the Doctor cause I make him wait 3 hours bill him then send in a med student named Chad.

My doctor diagnosed me with severe lack of observation. That came out of nowhere.

My surgeon friend that specialized in Augmentation Mammaplasty just died. I regret not being there the moment he took his last breast.

What's the difference between a doctor and a chair salesman? The chair salesman gives YOU a stool sample.

The judge gave me 7 days to live... So I shot myself. The doctor gave me 4 months. Problem solved. B)

Why was John Lennon shocked when he got his wife's gynecologist bill? He had misunderstood the doctor when he said "I do probe Ono."

Batman: I told you, if it's mine you have to say bat before it.. Like bat-mobile, bat-arang.. Doctor: Fine, you have bat-herpes

MY KNUTS My nuts hurt so bad. Doctor says I'll have to chop em.