A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket. She thinks to herself, 'Some asshole's got my pen.'
nurse jokes
210 total · showing the first 120 · page 1 of 5
What did the nurse who knocked on the pregnant lady's door say? Womb Service!
John Cena wakes up in the hospital He has no idea what is going on. A nurse walks into his room and he asks, "Where am I?" She responded, "ICU." He said,"No you don't."
How can you tell who is the head nurse of a facility? She's the one with dirty knees.
What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? "Some asshole has my pen!"
Got an MRI. Nurse asked if I had bad kidneys. Told her I won "best kidneys" in my high school yearbook. She didnt laugh. We didnt talk again
What do you call a nurse with dirty knees? The Head Nurse.
Nurse: Taking you back into surgery. Something was sewn inside you. Me: What? Can I talk to the surgeon? [from my stomach] I'm right here
A woman walks into a hospital... for a routine checkup on her pregnancy. The nurse looks at her file and says "Oh! Twins! Were they spontaneous?" The woman replies "No, we had sex first."
John Cena woke up in the hospital with no idea of what was going on. The nurse walked in and he asked "Where am I?" She responded "ICU" He said "No you don't."
Her: What's your fantasy? Me: Sexy nurse! H: Meet me in the bedroom. [10 minutes later] *we both come in wearing nurse costumes* M: Uh.
How can you tell which is the head nurse? The one with the dirty knees.
I hear people complaining about their jobs a lot, well I'm a nurse and I touched six dicks yesterday And it was my day off
A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket. She says "Oh great, some guy has my pen"
How can you tell which nurse is the head nurse? She's the one with dirty knees.
John Cena wakes up from coma Cena: Where am I? Nurse: I C U Cena: No you don't
A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket.... ...She then exclaims some arsehole has my pen
Doctor: "I think this patient is dying. What blood type is he?" Nurse: "B positive." Doctor: "Okay. I don't think this patient is dying."
I took a bite out of a vegetable the other day... The nurse was pissed
Dr to nurse! Dr to nurse: "How much has this man had to drink?" Nurse: "I can't tell." Dr: "It's ok; you can tell me. I'm a doctor"
What do you call a nurse with flat knees? The "head" nurse.
What did the proctologist say when his nurse handed him a beer? "I meant a butt light."
What's the hardest part about working as a nurse or doctor at a women's hospital? When you ask the patients "what's the problem?" They'll say "nothing"
Hospital... A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."