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scientist jokes
456 total · showing the first 120 · page 5 of 5
A man is standing on the top of a tall building about to commit suicide... ...when a physicist at the bottom shouts up, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized. **x-post r/ScienceHumour**
Scientist: we've finally taught a dog Morse Code Dog: [taps paw] Me: what did it say? Scientist: "woof"
What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't Helium, Barium.
Marty McFly had horrible parents. Sure teenage son, hang around with the weirdo scientist who lives alone and drives a windowless truck.
What did the physicist say to the depressed hippy? "There's no such thing as negative energy"
Scientists confirm the human body is 75% water, still unclear what the other 25% is, "spaghetti we think" says one scientist
What do you call a female physicist? A physicist you sexist.
Did you hear about the scientist who accidentally tripped into his cloning machine? He was really beside himself after that one.
If a mad scientist ever clones me, throw a cube of cheese in the air. The faster one is me.
What did the creepy scientist say to his new creepy wife? Let's grow MOLD together!
Cake day: How many scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: I don't know, I'm no scientist
What's the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber? The way they pronounce "unionized"
Did you hear about the agnostic scientist who had twins? She had one of them baptised, the other one is the control.
A chemist discovered a revolutionary new compound of technetium, sulfur, helium, and bismuth. It got him tons of BiTcHeS.
SCIENTIST: The universe is a big mess of molecules bumping into each other. ME: I like when pizza molecules bump into my mouth molecules.
(scientists naming weird spiny thing in a bush) Scientist 1: This thing sucks Scientist 2: Yeah! S1: It's hogging all the hedges! S2: Wait.
A scientist and a philosopher...
How do you tell a chemist no? Nitrogen Monoxide
What does a Native American Biologist live in? ATP
What did the scientist say before he died by mixing Hydroxide and Nitrate? "OH^- NO^3+ !"
What climate scientist does Disney follow on twitter? The rogue one
I'd like to meet a failed scientist, like I do writers. "I science on the weekends and for free sometimes. I think of it more as a hobby."