crime jokes

I got pulled over by a female cop.. When i asked what's wrong, she said "NOTHING!!"

What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains? -Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming

You know... When someone says to you "Jesus loves you." It's always comforting. Unless you are in a Mexican jail.

If you steal ideas from only one person, it is called plagiarism. If you steal from many people, it is called research.

American police.

Did you hear about the Football player that went to Prison? He went in as a tight end, but left a wide receiver.

If you ever get drugged by someone and they steal an organ, just check Craigslist. That's probably where I'm selling it at.

This cop spots this blond driving on the freeway knitting! Pull Over! he yells. No! She yells back, Cardigan!

Police just knocked on my door and said my dog is chasing a kid on his bike. What a liar, my dog doesn't even have a bike.

Did you hear about the Lawyer defending the public masturbater?.... He got him off.

Why was the Energizer Bunny tried in court? He was charged with battery.

A Florida police dog is being fired after biting two people; but to be fair, who wouldn't want to hurt people from Florida?

Safety Tip: Always have a loaded water gun ready to go in case of a home invasion by a cat burglar.

LEGAL JARGON! Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian? A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!

I got pulled over today for going 112 mph in a 55 mph zone. The police officer said "I've been waiting for someone like you all day." I promptly replied "Well I got here as fast as I could!"

Good cop: you two could go away for six years each for this Add cop: for a total of twelve years between you

why can't you keep a jew in jail? they eat lox...

Steal your neighbors' garden gnome. Send them a series of photos of the gnome lurking near various truck stop men's rooms.

A Good Lawyer Knows the Law A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.

News flash: Chapters truck caught speeding Police reported, "It was really booking it!"

Toilet stolen from police station Cops have nothing to go on.

*Police bust through door* -QUICK FLUSH ALL THE SUGAR -WAIT, WHY!? -I DON'T KNOW, THEY DO IT IN THE MOVIES!

What did the cop say to Boris Yosanavich after pulling him over for speeding? Quit Russian.

Court decision: "I hereby find you guilty of clickbait, and sentence you to death by electric chair... ... What happens next will shock you"