lawyer jokes

How does a lawyer from Panama play his guitar? He shreds.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? One you pay $500 an hour to screw you. The other one has sex for money.

Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working? Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.

Did you hear about the Lawyer defending the public masturbater?.... He got him off.

LEGAL JARGON! Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian? A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!

A Good Lawyer Knows the Law A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.

What does a black lawyer deliver in court? Nigga' pleas

A farmer walks past a tombstone that says: Here lies a lawyer, an honest man, a man of integrity. The peasant crosses himself and says scared: "Blessed Virgin, three men buried in the same grave!"

Cop: You already had your phonecall now state your name for the tape or you're going to jail Ivana Fonekaal: [looks at lawyer]

What is the difference between a Cat fish and a lawyer? One is a shit eating bottom sucker. The other one is a fish...

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.

Death is coming to take a lawyer away The lawyer is weeping, "why now? I am only fourty!" Death replies, "not according to the hours you billed your clients".

What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.

Did you know there are only two Lawyer jokes? The rest are all true.

A little boy and his father are walking in a cemetery ...and come across a gravestone that reads "here lies a lawyer and a good man" The boy asks his father "Dad, why did they bury 2 men in 1 grave?"

*judge bangs gavel* Ok let's reconvene after a quick 20 min recess *immediately knocks over defense attorney to get to the slide first*

Q: What can a goose do a duck can't and a lawyer should? A: Stick his bill up his ass.

Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle why don't you swerve to hit him? A: It might be your bicycle.

What's the difference between a lawyer and whore? The lawyer can't guarantee to get you off.

"I rapidly kidnapped a happily napping kid" is not only a fun tongue twister, but also a Felony! ...or so my lawyer tells me.

Last Night.. I was about to kill a spider. My wife told me to take it out instead. Turns out he's a pretty cool guy, his names Luke and he want's to be a lawyer.

Coming soon to NBC: She's a lawyer who, you guessed it, doesn't play by the rules. And he's a doctor who, right again, pees sitting down.

Did you hear about the lawyer for U2? He was Pro-Bono

What does a lawyer and a prostitute have in common? They both fuck you for your money.