What does a black lawyer deliver in court? Nigga' pleas
crime jokes
4,016 total · showing the first 120 · page 3 of 5
Be on the lookout for a armed psychic midget who just robbed a bank and got away....the police now have a SMALL MEDIUM at LARGE!! ba dum dum
[knock at door] Cop: open up, it's the police Me [doing an Estonian accent]: I'm not here Cop: are you in Estonia? Me: I am. I'm in Estonia
And the Oscar goes to... Prison.
*tosses banana peel out the window during a police chase*
There was a blackout in the streets of Houston yesterday... Don't worry, the police have everything under control..... they shot him.
What did the judge say when the defendant cause a ruckus in vegetable court? Bay leaf get him out if here!
A woman was masturbating furiously on the subway The police were going to arrest her, but she got off.
Seen on a prison wall: "VIRGINITY who says you can only lose it once?"
WIFE: You overreact to everything! ME: [phones police]
What do most people wear to court? Law-suits
Why did the dinosaur go to jail? Because he was a child molester.
*Police arrested two kids* ** Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.**
OK THERE. DID I PASS YOUR STUPID SOBRIETY TEST YET? Cop: Sir, you're still laying on the ground where you fell down.
Me: smells like upyou'refreetogo in here. Cop: what's upyou'refreetogo? Me: *finger guns* catch ya later Cop: aww damn lol got me again
A farmer walks past a tombstone that says: Here lies a lawyer, an honest man, a man of integrity. The peasant crosses himself and says scared: "Blessed Virgin, three men buried in the same grave!"
Cop: You already had your phonecall now state your name for the tape or you're going to jail Ivana Fonekaal: [looks at lawyer]
A politician set out to create the most jobs Crime creates lots of jobs - police, insurance, repairs, medical if its violent crime, lawyers... and so was born the criminal nature of politicians.
Who steals all the soap in the bathroom? The robber ducky
Divorce court is like regular court except the judge sentences you to freedom.
Why did the clam go to jail? For setting up illegal shell companies!
What do u call a mexican in the back of a cop car? Pork and beans
*Robber runs into Chipotle* GIMME THE MONEY IN THE REGISTER "Is this for here or to go?" Uh. To go "Do you want guac?" Sure "It's extra"
A swastika has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame... ...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.