pets jokes

Why did John Wayne get a weiner dog? He wanted to get a long little doggy.

Kinda bummed that my pet goldfish died today of a bladder infection. Although to be fair, I probably should have realized something was up when the bowl kept overflowing.

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Sorry, my cat walked on my keyboard and accidentally typed something Welsh.

How do you make a dog sound like a cat? You freeze it, put it on a bandsaw and cut it; "Meoooow".

What is taller when it sits down than when it stands up? A dog.

What has four legs a tail whiskers and flies? A dead cat.

A dog fell 15 stories into a hot tub and lived to tail about it.

[picking name for new puppy] 13: Pixie. 16: Rosie. Wife: Annie. Me: BATMAN!

A man goes to the zoo. There's only one animal. It's a dog. It's a shitzu.

I went to the Zoo today. I was a bit disappointed, however, as when I arrived I found there was only one dog at the Zoo. It was a Shih Tzu.

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, he ain't comin'.

I would bring my dog a nice jerky treat from Colorado, but he only eats local, sustainable cat turds.

I went to the zoo the other day There was only a single animal, it was a dog. It was a shih tzu...

Dodger Stadium announces they are now offering a limited edition Duggar Dog... The wiener is so big you can share it with your sister.

What happens when you combine bleach and a girl dog? You get a basic bitch

A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. "Look in the lion's mouth" the vet told him. "How do I do that?" he asked. "Carefully" replied the vet.

My friend said she was taking next week off to be with her new puppy. I said, "You're taking mutt-ernity leave?"

-Why didn't you answer your home phone? -Because I'm walking the dog. Don't you trust me? -Of course I trust you! Put the dog on the phone.

SQUIRREL! SQUIRREL! CAT! SQUIRREL! SQUIRREL! MAILMAN! SQUIRREL! ~ Dog Acing Rorschach Test

Pretty sure my dog would make a shitty astronaut because space is a vacuum and those tend to scare him

Why did Snoop Dog go to cinnabon? Fo' Drizzle

My friends think my cat is loyal and selective with his affection, but the truth is that I don't have any friends.

If I learned anything from Peter Pan, it's that I can leave my dog to watch my kids while I go out and party.

Our gold fish jumped out of his tank and the dog ate it.....I feel like there is a life lesson here but don't know what it is.