relationships jokes

Ex: Holy skinny jeans! Me: They are new. Like them? Ex: Sure... Me: What? Ex: Should a woman your age wear those? Divorce Reason 509

Turtle 911: Whats ur emergency? Turtle: MY GIRLFRIEND JUST DISAPPEARED! 911: Have u tried looking in her house? Turtle: oops never mind.

I am 38, last night i was out with my 19 y.o. girlfriend and someone yelled "paedophile!" ... It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.

My butt was set on fire while I was out with my girlfriend It was really ember-ass-ing.

My friend asked why his computer kept crashing. I told him, 'because they can't drive' . (Girlfriend told me this joke)

After grandpa's unfortunate steamroller incident last year, man crush Monday is always a difficult time for me and my family.

My ex girlfriend broke up with me because I quoted Linkin Park too much. But in the end it doesn't even matter.

I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't go to the gym with me. We just weren't working out.

My girlfriend said she was in such a foul mood. So I took her to KFC

Kim Jong Un is 30, runs a dictatorship, executes ex-girlfriends, and openly threatens to annihilate the US. What am I doing with MY life?

I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.

I don't see what's wrong with gay marriage It eliminates the worst part of a relationship

My girlfriend's kisses are so sweet that I probably have type 2 diabetes.

Grammar joke I told my girlfriend "sweetie, I want you beside me, in front of me,behind me, on top of me, under me, and to the left and right of me" she said "Honey, are you prepositioning me?"

my ex-girlfriend named my penis Trump, Because it talked a big game to get inside, left her disappointed, and she wanted to get rid of it in 4 years or less...

I hate it when my girlfriend tells me she's about to come I have shitty cellphone reception.

I stand right next to the "God Hates Fags" guy with a sign that says "Please Ignore My Ex-Boyfriend"

Boyfriend calls me Gluteal Myalgia because he thinks I'm too dumb to understand what it means. Let's see how he likes the name Microphallus

My girlfriend is like my car... Stolen property

Me and my girlfriend are just too different... I exist and she doesn't

It's not that I'm a bad boyfriend. I'm just a horrible person.

My Girlfriend is quite the fox... She eats out of the garbage at night.

A man's got to know his limitations. Unless he's in a relationship, then he'll be constantly reminded.

Relationship status bathing everyday isn't a priority anymore.