australian jokes

Whats the difference between Australia and a yoghurt? Leave a yoghurt out in the sun for 300 years and it'll develop a culture

What method does the Australian god use to part the Red Sea? Oz Moses.

A one-word joke that'll make any Australian laugh Politics.

Johnny Depps wife filed for divorce, thanks a lot Australia! This is why nice people don't visit you!

Sorry, Australia... Overheard my sister talking to my friend when this was said. Sis: "Do they have bush babies in Australia"? Friend: "No, but they have plenty of dead babies in the bush".

In Australia what doesn't kill you is probably just saving you for the sharks.

What does an Australian use instaed of toilet paper? Bidet, mate.

"I need a car. What do you have?" "Well, we have a Subaru Outback" "But what kind of Subaru?" "Outback" "I don't CARE where you keep it..."

Why wasn't Jesus born in Australia? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

I told an Aussie friend I was having trouble rooting my phone He replied, "Maybe try buying it dinner first, mate. "

How do you order a bill in Australian restaurant? Cheque, mate! --- Maybe not the funniest buy posting because: My. My own. My precious...

I just learned that you can get drunk from Kangaroo meat! I'm pretty sure it has something to do with all the hops.

What do space-related scientists call themselves in Australia? Austronomers

I asked an Australian to greet me... He kept beating around the bush saying "I might".

If the US admits that Trump's presidential campaign is a hoax then Australia will come clean about the platypus.

An Australian man living by the cliff has prevent over 150 suicides, during the 50 years he has lived there... ... by shooting them himself.

First Kangaroo: What do you call it when giraffes moving one way get mixed up with giraffes moving another way? Second Kangaroo: A giraffic jam.

Why was Jesus not born in Australia? Because God could not find three wise men and a virgin.

First Olympic sailing result just in. GB have taken gold, Australia have taken silver and Somalia have taken the boat

There is this guy from the Czech Republic that plays chess with his Austrian friend. Czech mate. Edit: Australian, ty unsc_luke

What do you call a dead Australian Wrestler? Stone Cold Steve Irwin

An Australian travels to Houston for business, and sees who he suspects to be a famous football player. So he decides to ask him.... You Watt, mate?

What do you call the beautiful women in Australia... Tourists.

A flamingo in the streets and a lion in the sheets and a kangaroo at Target and I think Carl forgot to lock up the zoo last night.