A dyslexic man walks into a bra…
short jokes
140,386 total · showing the first 120 · page 4 of 5
What do two female vampires say to each other after a date? See you next month.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
What gets longer when pulled, slides over your chest, and is easily inserted? A seatbelt.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a vein in your hotdog.
What do you call an expert fisherman? A master baiter.
My wife asked me if I’d like to spoon in bed. I said that I prefer to fork.
How does a bald man touch his hair? He cuts holes in his pockets.
What goes deep and is full of seamen? A submarine.
Why did the rabbi give out free circumcisions? Customers gave him good tips.
What do a rocket and toilet paper have in common? They’re both headed for Uranus.
What do you call a budget circumcision? A rip-off.
I’m a bad lover. I once caught a Peeping Tom booing me! (Rodney Dangerfield)
Today, I snapped my g-string. I’m going to the violin repair shop tomorrow.
What’s the difference between your job and your partner? After five years, your job still sucks.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
[me narrating a documentary about narrators] "I can't hear what they're saying cuz I'm talking"
He was a real gentlemen and always opened the fridge door for me
Why do girls wear makeup and perfume? Because they are ugly and they smell.
What's the world's longest Ted Talk? How I Met Your Mother
Strangers on a Train
You know I was thinking about not getting fat, But I really had a lot on my plate at the time..