birthday jokes

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? AYE MATEY

"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read."

I guess you could say Mendeleev's Birthday comes around periodically.

My dad tried to surprise me with a truck for my birthday. But he missed.

What did the pirate day on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey!

My brother and I share the same birthday. We aren't twins, our parents are just fucking cheap.

"This birthday cake certainly is crunchy." "Maybe you should spit out the plate!"

What kind of headphones did Chris Brown get Rihanna for her birthday? Beats

What did the birthday balloon say to the pin? "Hi Buster."

On my birthday, my family tried to surprise me with a car But they missed.

Crazy but true: Over 80 percent of twins seperated at birth have the same exact birthday.

If we could harness the fake enthusiasm put towards wishing people a happy birthday on Facebook, we could power half the planet.

You know you're the family addict when it's time to light birthday candles & everyone looks at you knowing you have a lighter in your pocket

Happy Birthday Tupac! He would've been 72 today if Dick Cheney hadn't shot him in his face.

Thank you all for the Happy Birthday wishes!!! Had a GREAT DAY!!! (didn't read a single one)

What did the child with no hands get for his birthday? Nobody knows yet.

It's my wife's birthday soon. She said she wanted something with diamonds so I got her a deck of cards.

My wife told me to get her something she can use for her birthday this year. So I got her a face-lift and a tummy tuck.

A local candle shop burned down... it didnt help that everyone stood outside and sang happy birthday

New bum For my birthday, I'm asking for a new bum. My old one's got a crack in it

Where does a snowman put his birthday candles? On his birthday flake!

It was my grandmas birthday yesterday... She loves giraffes so I brought her deep throat 4 on DVD

Birthday Every year on his birthday, Chuck Norris selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun

Bought my epileptic girlfriend a strobe light for her birthday... She will have a fit when she sees it.