new year jokes

my new year resolution is 1080p thanks please make this go viral so my ex gf stephanie sees it steph if ur reading this please take me back

How does Times Square start the new year? By having Mariah Carey drop the ball! "The audience can sing this one."

Why did the raisin take the prune to the new year's ball? Because he couldn't find a date!

What song do pigs sing on New Year's Eve? Auld Lang Swine.

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions!

I got arrested for punching this guy at a new year's Eve party When you hear an Arab count down from 10 your instincts kick in.

Putin Sends New Year's Message of Peace To Obama Inside a pipe bomb.

I've thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year's resolution....

My New Year's resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall. And I plan on sticking to it.

I can't think of a better time to drop dead than at a New Year's Eve party right after everyone yells "...1!"

New Year's Resolution- Date more models... Edit: Date more Edit: Date again LAST Edit: Stop crying while masturbating

Im so poor... That my new years resolution is 144p

Happy new year!! Brrrrrr it's cold outside... It has to be the coldest day of the year!!!

My new year's resolution is to be more grammary and stop making up words.

I'm doing well on my New Years resolution to lose 10 pounds I only have 15 more to go.

"Welcome back, happy New Year!" "Thank you!" "Welcome!" And that's the last time I'm taking Bollywood movie suggestions from my friends.

Mariah Carey'a New Year's performance. That's it...

On this occasion of Chinese New Year I would like to ask all my Chinese friends. Of all the utensils that were invented to eat rice with... How the f**k did two sticks win?

I figure that its safe to ask. How are those New Year's resolutions going?

UHD TVs are going to be obsoleted next year by the new standard: DBZ It has a a vertical resolution that is over 9000.

At the beginning of this year I made a New Year's resolution to lose 10 pounds.... ...Only 15 pounds to go!

My New Years resolution is to quit doing dick jokes. It does limit my material though. It does makes it...hard.

I can't believe other countries are allowed to celebrate the New Year before America. Some superpower we turned out to be.

For the New Year, I vow to take a selfie at 720p.m. It's a decent resolution.