actor jokes

What actor touches every girl on set? David Cop-a-feel

The Golden Globe goes to... Burrito ... for best actor in a microwave, with a convincing performance of taking longer than necessary.

What's the deal with Drake, first he was an actor now a rapper? Must have been all degrassi was smoking. I'll let myself out.

Why was the actor pleased to be on the gallows? Because at last he was in the noose.

My sister told me she is going to become fucking rich... I didn't know she wanted to be a porn actress

I would've been an actor, but I was afraid of being cast as the idiot that throws his gun when he runs out of bullets.

Did you hear about that actress that murdered her husband? Reese...I can't remember her last name. She was in the Johnny Cash movie... *Witherspoon?!?* No...of course not! She used a knife!

Breaking Celebrity News! Academy Award winning Actor, Simmons, and children's book Author, Rowling, eloped earlier today. JK

Did you hear about that actress that stabbed herself? Reese something? No it was with her knife

What famous actor is like a jail cell full of white guys? Niggaless Cage (My girlfriend came up with this today. We're not racist I swear. This just cracked me up.)

What is an Actor? A man who tries to be everything but himself

"Superman's Dad" is the last stop for an actor.

After reviewing Spielberg's WWII movies I can't decide which actor is superior, Tom Hanks in "Saving Private Ryan" or Sarah Jessica Parker in "War Horse."

...and the award for best lead actress in a dramatic role goes to me for "I Have A Sinus Infection, Why Don't You Care That I'm Dying"

I hate it when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I'm not even an actor.

I hate gaining ten pounds for a role And then realising I'm not an actor.

In Hollywood, an actor and his crew shot a pilot They could all be facing at least six months in jail.

What is the similarity between a porn-actress and Jesus? They're both getting nailed.

Be great if just once the winning actor was like "I mean it wasn't a particularly strong group this year, but still."

Congrats to #LeonardoDiCaprio on his first Best Actor Oscar. You can stop sacrificing goats now.

Spending half of the movie wondering where the fuck did I see this actor before...

What do call it when actor Charles Dance tries to flirt? Dance moves.

What actor do horses like the most? Matthew McConaug-hay

The great English actor Colin Firth walks into a bar. Who walks in after him? Colin Thecond