mechanic jokes

The pirate mechanic fixed my sexbot this morning. "Thar, she blows."

My car was making this annoying sound . . . . . . so I went to see a mechanic. Me: My car is making an annoying sound. Mechanic: Easy fix. Reach over. Open the door. And push her out.

Mechanic: you need a new carburetor Me: you can call it a buretor, I know lots about cars, I'm like you

Mechanic : your motor is losing power and it won't last long. Me : you been talking to my wife bro?

What do you call an amish man with his hand up a horse's ass? A mechanic.

[first day as a mechanic] ME: i would say this car is haunted

Why did the tractor trailer mechanic always have half an erection? Because he was constantly nursing a semi.

[me on phone with mechanic] Car won't start. I think it's the battery. Or power steering. Could be a fuse. Wheels, probably wheels. Engine.

I'm not a mechanic so I don't know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.

What's the one thing a mechanic can't fix? Stupid

I took my BMW to the mechanic today after a strange light came on. I asked him what it was, as I've never seen it before. Apparently it was called an indicator, does anyone know what it's for?

How can you tell a mechanic just had sex? Two of his fingers are clean.

What do you get if you cross an Egyptian mummy with a car mechanic? Toot and Car Man.

What do you call a man with his hand up a horse's ass? An Amish mechanic.

My dad doesn't see why he should pay a mechanic to rotate his tires. He says they're rotating the entire time he's driving!

A penguin talks his snowmobile in to get fixed. The mechanic takes a look at it and says "looks like you blew a seal." penguin replies "no, that's just frosting on my lip."

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth? A mechanic.

Mechanics How can you tell a mechanic has just had sex? One of his fingers is clean....

Auto mechanic: Well here's your problem. The last person to work on this didn't wash their hands after using the restroom.

What does a mechanic do for a one night stand? ... He nuts and bolts.

I'm circling the auto shop and hoping that my mechanic can hear me yelling, "BRAKES!".