politician jokes

BAD LAWYER Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad? A: Senator.

QUESTION: How long does a United States Congressman serve? ANSWER: Until he gets caught.

What's the difference between a hooker and a politician? A hooker stops screwing you when you run out of money.

New idea for Mythbusters: Find an honest politician.

My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.

For just $28,000, I will teach any politician or politician's wife to wave like a normal human being.

What did the politician with a cold talk about at his meeting? The important tissues. (I know it sucks, I just made it up)

What did the cannibal make of the politician he just met? Pork and bologne sammiches.

A mayor bans people living in his town from being buried in the local cemetery They have to be dead first

What's the difference between a politician and a bucket of shit? The bucket.

It was so cold in D.C. today... ...that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

So a politician dies... Ha!

YOU SHALL NOT PASS! -Texas Senator Wendy Davis

Use fire extinguisher in case a Politician catches fire Use it to batter him to death.

A politician in an ancient civilization... He'll only just babble on.

It's so cold outside... I even saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!

Having a favorite politician is like a homeless guy having a favorite can.

I wanted to be a politician... But then I realized that I couldn't fit my entire head up my ass.

New drinking game: Every time Senator Bernie Sanders proposes something free, chug someone else's beer.

What do you call a politician that can play brass? Donald trumpet

What is the difference between a politician and a mortician? A Mortician waits until after you're dead to fuck you.

Q: What do you call a beaten politician? A: Donald Trumped

Always note whether a politician is wearing a lapel pin of a flag, as they are the only way to display patriotism.

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F.