politician jokes

How is digging fence post holes like being the mayor of Toronto? It goes pretty smoothly until you start hitting the rock.

While walking down the street one day a corrupt Senator... That may be redundant.

You know what's the difference between a housewife and a politician? The housewife thinks about doing her taxes while having sex. The politician thinks about having sex while spending your taxes.

If you need someone who is good at looking into a full fridge and complaining that there's nothing to eat, I'm your Mayor!

Why did Obama tap Merkel's phone? To hear a smart politician.

Who is a Minion's favorite politician? First ever president of Zimbabwe, President Banana

[GOP Debate] MODERATOR: this question is for Senator Cruz. How will you handle zodiackillersayswhat? CRUZ: what? MODERATOR: I knew it!

I hope that Senator Franken runs for President in 2020 and picks Jill Stein as his running mate That'd be a real Franken/Stein ticket

It'd be nice if the pre-requisite to being a politician in the United States of America didn't involve being a lying sack of shit.

A minister was asked by a politician "Name something the government can do to help the church." The minister replied "Quit making one dollar bills."

What happens if a politician takes a Viagra? He gets taller

How is a broken clock better than a politician? The clock is still right twice a day.

there should be some kind of National Dog and before any politician gets sworn into office we have to see how the dog reacts to them

I want to become a politician when I grow up so I've made a list of skills I want to aquire but I've only come up with one: Lying.

My young nephew said that people with glasses should only be able to marry other people with glasses. He's like a tiny Republican senator.

Never vote for a tunnel-digging politician Because he's probably just another burrowcrat.

What do you call a guy stuck in the same job for 30 years? A four term US senator.

What is a politician's favorite kind of tea? Infideli-tea.

It was really cold today... It was so cold that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

What do you call a snake that works for the government? ~~A civil serpent~~ Senator.

"I like Trump because he isn't a politician." Right, because whenever my toilet breaks I call my electrician.

A hipster politician was found dead today of an apparent suicide. He won the popular vote and just couldn't handle it.

What STD can you catch from Mayor McCheese? None, but you can get food poisoning.

A LAWYER AND A POLITICIAN What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton.