taxi driver jokes

What does a cab driver have in common with a pool cue ball? The harder you hit them, the more english you get out.

What did the cab driver say when the black man got into his cab? Where to sir?

Traffic in every Florida city is crazy! Drivers are maniacs! Saturday afternoon there was a taxi driver who had to pull out to avoid a kid. .... .... ... He fell off the sofa.

So cute how this taxi driver is taking an unnecessarily long route and driving slowly so he gets to spend more time with me.

[sex in car] ME: Remember when you could do this without fear of strangers watching? BF: Yes UBER DRIVER: Would you like a water?

"Do you know what the hardest part of the night is?" asked the taxi driver. "Is it his shield?" I asked.

What did Nietzsche call his Yiddish cab driver? An Uber mensche.

Life hack: Stare into your Uber driver's eyes through the rear view mirror the entire time.

You can tell a lot about a person by the type of car they drive. For example, if they drive a Taxi, they're probably a cab driver.

Who drives away all his customers ? A taxi driver.

I always go the extra mile at work. That's why I'm a terrible taxi driver.

my uber driver said today, "I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..." Then I said, "Turn left"

Did you hear about the misanthropic statistician? 100% of people can go fuck themselves. Told to me by a cab driver in New Orleans.

"That'll be $147,382." - The cab driver after taking Will Smith from Philadelphia to Bel Air.

My longest relationship was when an Uber driver took me all the way to the airport once.

I used to be a taxi driver but I had to quit... I couldn't stand people talking behind my back.

Our Uber driver is literally participating in our conversation as if he's a full-fledged part of it. It's odd.

What do laws and virgins have in common? They're both there to be violated. (The sad part is that a Portuguese Taxi Driver actually said that seriously in a protest against Uber)

In the future the only two jobs left are Uber driver and escape room planner.

"Hello, barman? Give me another drink!" I yelled. He said, "I think you've had enough, sir." "What makes you say that?" I laughed. He said, "I'm a taxi driver."

Once I was travelling in a taxi, the taxi driver said: "I am very happy with this job. I am my own boss and nobody can order me what to do." Then I said: "Take left."

A drunk sits down in the taxi... Taxi driver: "Where to?" "Home" "Ehh... could you be more specific?" "The living room"

Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver

If you ask a lot of questions and then rob the cab driver, every cab becomes a cash cab.