travel jokes

My company put me up in the cheapest hotel... I called down to the front desk and said "I've got a leak in my sink." They said "Go ahead."

Can't believe my neighbors don't have any rum. How am I supposed to enjoy their hot tub while they're on vacation?

Why did the American spend an entire winter in a Russian hotel? They say he was snowed in.

I sleep better naked and it's more comfortable WHY CAN'T THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT UNDERSTAND THIS?

"Oh man, that thing looks irritated" - me, pulling into the airport parking lot and seeing my mother-in-law waiting on the curb

Why did the gynecologist take a vacation out of the country? To study abroad.

Just told the Starbucks at the airport that my name was Ayatollah Bombface. Lol let's see wha

Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.

Why does Santa go down the chimney? Because it **soots** him. Credit: Curious: The Tourist Guide

Sat next to a baby on an airplane. Ten hour flight. I had no idea it was even possible to cry for ten hours straight. Baby was also surprised that I pulled it off.

Before I go to the airport I'm going to swallow a Hot Wheels car & an action figure. Then when they scan me I'm going to act like Godzilla.

An asian asks for help at an airport... Asian: "why is my plane late? It said it would be here at 6:30." Airplane help guy: "fluctuations." Asian: "fluck you americans too."

Hotel beds are often all the proof I need that Satan owns a mattress factory.

Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

Where did the glue go on vacation? Nowhere! He just stuck around!

Why did Ahmed Mohamed get delayed at the airport? he was on a watch list...

I saved a ton of money on cool sports cars, vacation getaways and NFL season tickets by having children.

I wanted to report the police for damaging my luggage while searching my car But the case got thrown out of court

Old tourist joke German tourist arrives at a French airport. Immigration officer asks him: "Occupation?" The German replies: "No, no, just visiting."

The other day I stayed in a very swanky hotel ... ... I had to shave before they let me go in their barbershop.

[my kid, literally every school morning] "I hate mornings. I'm not getting up" [1st day of summer vacation] "dad, can we watch the sunrise"

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.

What's the best thing about going on a surprise vacation with a gay guy? His shit's already packed.

What do you call a snarky criminal going down a flight of stairs? A condescending con descending.