A German tourist walks into a pie shop on Fleet Street in London And tells the lady behind the counter, "I would like to become a pie." And so he did.
travel jokes
1,027 total · showing the first 120 · page 2 of 5
Why did the muslim with a toothache go to the airport? For a free cavity search.
What did the alcoholic Dad, away on business, say to the bartender at the hotel bar? I'm ready to partiem with my perdiem *sorry, not a dad, and the bar tender didn't laugh either
Airport Security: has anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge, sir? Sir: How the hell am I supposed to answer that?
What do you call a smart person in America? A tourist.
Last week I walked up to Wayne Rooney at the airport and said,"How about an autograph mate?" "Sure." He replied. So I signed a photo print of myself and gave it to him.
Where do cows stay when they go on vacation? In a moooo-tel. I just thought of this sitting in my hotel room. Sometimes I feel like i dad joke so hard I impregnate my girlfriend from 100 miles away.
Knock knock. Who's there? Hotel. Hotel who? Ho, tell me where my money is!
Ever wonder where the happiest place in the world is? It's gate 25 @ Kansas City airport after they announce 2hr delay for flight to NYC.
How do you get rid of somebody? Give them a ticket for a flight on Malaysian Airlines and hope that they will live up to their reputation!
In a hotel room. The dog's growling and whimpering. My wife's worried the neighbours will think we're having sex.
An Irish guy in front of me said, "Whale-oil beef-hooked" I don't know what any of that has to do with forgetting your passport..
Playing Counter-Strike at an Airport in Belgium "Terrorists win."
Checked into a hotel expecting one night stand but there were 2! Mighty pleased.
Why couldn't Edward leave the Airport? Because he was Snowden...
There are plenty of fish in the sea. There are also sharks, giant isopods, oil spills, Flight 370, and Somali pirates.
A naughty child was irritating all the passengers on the flight from London to New York. At last one man could stand it no longer. "Hey kid," he shouted. "Why don't you go outside and play?"
If I was Penguin's attorney I'd request bail by saying "He's no flight risk!" Then Hi-5 the whole courtroom but Batman. I'd leave him hangin
In which nation to you need a passport just to travel within it? Ukraine.
Jesus walks into a hotel. He hands the inkeeper three nails and asks... "Can you put me up for the night?"
Jesus walks into a hotel Lays a handful of nails on the counter and asks the attenant "Can you put me up for the night?"
What fever did Joe Dirt catch on vacation after getting bit by a mosquito? Deeeeeeeeeeengue
Hotel guest to desk clerk: "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." Desk clerk: "No, it's regular porn you sick fuck."
What did the flight attendant say to get the attention of the plane full of Kim Basinger clones? "Attention Basingers" hahaha