My wife's returning today after an 8-day trip, so I should probably dampen the kitchen sponge and re-position it.
gender jokes
10,549 total · showing the first 120 · page 3 of 5
My husband said he needs to have sex and now he is mad at me. Apparently, asking 'with each other' was the wrong response.
How many hillbillies does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. A man, his wife, and his cousin
What did Eric Garner's wife say to him? Would it kill you to go sell a few cigarettes? too soon?
My wife says I'm too nosy. At least that's what she said in her diary.
What's the worst thing about your girlfriend having a miscarriage? Trying to look upset.
I was in my space ship with my pregnant wife, travelling about .95c, when she suddenly went into labor. Turns out time wasn't the only thing that was dilated.
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my obsession She said "I'm sick of it. You actually believe that you're a transformer". I said "But baby, I can change". She said "There you go again!"
Wife: Have u done anything today? Me: Rode my bike on the back tire down the street Wife: Wheelie? Me: Yes, really, and cut the baby talk
My Girlfriend is doing majors in Physics Yesterday she texted me she needs time and distance. I dont even know why she wants to calculate the velocity
The wife and I were trying to spice things up in the bedroom... so now I cumin her every thyme.
Confucius say... Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
I once poured an entire bag of potato chips on my girlfriend. I wanted to ruffle her feathers.
If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders who supported Atlas ? His wife !
A man walks into a bar A paraplegic rolls.
My new Girlfriend told me "A small penis shouldn't be a problem in a loving relationship" I still wish she didn't have one.
My girlfriend said she liked the jewelry my grandmother wore so I bought her a life alert necklace
What makes women who own dogs such hot girlfriend material is that you KNOW that foxy mama is used to picking up turds
I just read an article about a woman who killed her husband, boiled his body, and turned it into homemade jelly she kept in her pantry! It was really jarring.
[As a tornado destroys their home] Wife: You're the best thing that ever happened to me. Husband: I really miss Baywatch.
My girlfriend just dumped me for talking too much about video games (alternate) But my preferred style in bed is up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start.
Pasta joke My wife laughed when I told her I was planning to bulld a car made out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't stop talking about Star Wars. I said "Please don't leave me, Yoda one for me." In other news, I'm single.
My ex-girlfriend used to have this strange fetish... She used to enjoy being strangled until she turned blue in the face. It's too bad that I am colorblind.