My wife asked me if I’d like to spoon in bed. I said that I prefer to fork.
gender jokes
10,549 total · showing the first 120 · page 2 of 5
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
Did you hear about the guy who made his wife a necklace out of crystal meth? I hear it was pretty dope.
A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach. "That won't help you, Joe, you know?" "Oh it helps a lot," says the man, "it's the only way I can see the numbers!"
Why did the Mexican... ... throw his wife off a cliff? Tequila! ... go to the home improvement store in December? Fajitas!
Pro tip: No matter how much you hate wrapping, never ask your wife to wrap her own Christmas presents.
My wife asked me to take her to the zoo the other day. I said "If you want people to see you they can come here and do it!"
My girlfriend refused to make a porno with me.. saying there are enough vine stars already
Fast and Furious [NSFW] I asked my girlfriend to give me road head and we got into an accident. I guess next time I should be the one driving.
Psychic: *rubbing temples* You want to know if your wife's trying to murder you Me: How'd you know? P: *sees knife in my back* I'm good
Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff? Tequila
My girlfriend has a seashell tattoo on her inner thigh When I put my ear up to it I can smell the ocean
How can you tell your girlfriend is getting to fat? She can wear your wife's clothes.
THERAPIST: what's wrong? WIFE: he always narrates real life- ME: she complained WIFE: see! ME: she exclaimed WIFE: ME: she was speechless
last night, my wife started smoking. but it was ok - I just slowed down a bit and used some lube.
My girlfriend's vagina is like a Tesco shopping trolley It takes a pound in.
Referenced my previous girlfriend in an academic paper It was very ex-citing
Why did the Mexican push his wife off teh cliff? tequila
My wife complained the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains and men nothing?" I laughed and said, "Don't be silly honey, he gave us women."
People keep telling me I behave like a man so I'm currently working up the courage to tell my husband he's gay.
I'm setting more realistic New Year's resolutions this year, like never doing anything right and not pleasing my wife.
I had a fight once. "You should see the other guy!" I said. My wife agreed. She's been seeing him for years now, they're a lovely couple.
My girlfriend's refusal to learn the difference between baking soda and washing soda leaves me foaming at the mouth
Why does Donald Trump have a foreign wife? Because some jobs American's just won't do.