halloween jokes

[Halloween] Me: How adorable! I love your ghost costume! 14: *sigh* I AM NOT A GHOST! I'M SHEET-FACED.

A smart Halloween costume would be an angel costume because if you died, you could just sneak your way into heaven & be like "I'm back yall"

My friend is dressing as an owl for Halloween he's a hoot to be around

UPDATE: This year's least popular Halloween candy was, as always, Reese's Feces.

I wanted to go as the invisible man for Halloween this year. But my Girlfriend made me put my clothes back on.

My neighbour is on his front porch wearing a Halloween mask and oven mitts while trying to remove a wasps nest. This should be interesting.

Jehova's witnesses don't celebrate halloween I guess they just don't appreciate random people coming up and knocking on their doors.

Anything related to Halloween doesn't scare me. What scares me is when I flush someone else's toilet and the water keeps rising.

I just found a halloween candy on my lawn and ate it. So I guess I AM able to live off the land if I ever needed to.

What do stupid kids do at Halloween ? They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins !

Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties? Because there's lots of school spirit!

What does a guy with no friends be for Halloween? Depressed

So They Cancelled Halloween In India This Year. They ran out of Ghandi.

How can you tell when Halloween is coming too soon? The sight of premature Ejack-o-lanterns in the neighborhood. I'm a Dad so this joke is OK

him: what do u wanna be? me: I wanna be a cat that transforms into a misty fog when people try to pet me him: wtf, I meant for Halloween?

I think the scariest Halloween decorations I've seen this year have to be All the little blue signs that say Trump-Pence on them

What drink do you have on Halloween? Mali-BOO

Ok so for next Halloween ill be mozart. "I'll be beethoven!" Yeah okay, calm down sally. So Mr. Terminator who will you be? "I'LL BE BACH."

Happy Halloween... Why did the Ghost enter the bar... For the BOOOOS

The Top Three things for Halloween you can do now in North Carolina: #3 Swim with the sharks, #2 Have an account on Ashley Madison, #1 riding a street car in Charlotte NC.

Grandma, stop asking people what they're supposed to be for Halloween-this is Walmart.

My daughter wants to be something scary for Halloween this year so she's going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.

This Halloween, I put a potato in my pants and ordered people around. I was a dictator.

Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween, I'm guessing it's because they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors.