waiter jokes

That's weird, my waitress stopped flirting after I paid the bill...

Overheard a black guy asking the waitress for some crackers, so I stood up and yelled "THATS OUR WORD!"

Stare at the waitress's boobs when you tell her you want "everything" on your sandwich. Ya never know...

So a man goes to a restaurant and orders some food.. [OC] Man: "Ugghhh...What the hell is this? There is sand in my paella!!!" Waiter: "Si?"

me: what's ur favorite thing on the menu waiter: oh definitely the salmon me: oh yes ok i'll have the *orders something that is not salmon*

Diner: Waitress the portions are getting smaller. Waiter: It's just an optical illusion. It's just that the restaurant has been enlarged.

What did the Australian grandmaster say to the waiter after eating? Check, mate.

Waiter waiter! What's this creepy crawly thing doing in my dinner? Oh that one ? he comes here every night.

So an old-timer goes out for breakfast... And the young whippersnapper of a waiter asks "What will you have, Sir?" "Bacon my day, sonny!" [Sorry/notsorry - it's how my mind works]

Went to an Indian restaurant last night The waitress asked me "Was the curry ok sir" I said "Ok. One song then you can piss off"

A Polar Bear walks into a bar... ... he says to the server, "Hello, I'd like some fish and chips.." The server says, "We don't serve polar bear here." The Polar Bear says, "Oh Thank God."

[date] Me: you wanna see what desserts they have? Girl: how about we go home & I'll let you- Me [calls waiter]: what desserts do u have?

My Mexican waiter put my food down in front of another white lady who looked nothing like me. I get it now. Oh wait that's not my waiter.

*sees a guy snap fingers at a server. I reach for my bag* Wife: No. We only have one left. We have a baby. Me: (to genie) take his fingers

How do you know your waitress is having a rough night? She's got a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pen.

I think my Waffle House waitress moonlights with AT&T; because I'm getting absolutely no service.

[restaurant] ME: Do you have updog? WAITER: [sighs] No sir M: Ok, is this gluten free? W: No you have to pay for it M: Damn you're good

Customer: Waiter look at this chicken! It's nothing but skin and bones. Waiter: Would you like the feathers too?

Waiter on ocean liner: Would you like the menu sir? Monster: No thanks just bring me the passenger list.

A waitress asks my son what he would like to eat, he replies "I would like to devour the undead".... He likes eggs.... Courtesy of my girlfriend

Patron: How come this fly is swimming in my soup? Waiter: I gave you too much. It should be wading.

Waiter what's this fly doing in my soup? Um looks to me to be backstroke sir

Took nephew out for lunch. The waitress asked what he'd like. After a stunned silence, I explained 'quiche' was not pronounced 'quickie'.

Waiter waiter this lobster's only got one claw. It must have been in a fight sir. Then bring me the winner.