Why does everyone hate peppers? They always get jalapeno business!
cynical jokes
9,592 total · showing the first 120 · page 3 of 5
The worst thing about kissing the person who loves you the most is when you bang your teeth off the mirror
A man walks into the doctor's office wearing nothing but cellophane (saran-wrap). Dr. says, "Clearly I can see your nuts!"
Why should you never run in front of a bus? You will get tired.
I hate people who think it's cool to take drugs ...like customs officers
Why should you never date a vegan girl? She won't swallow.
My wife: ever since you got on twitter you never listen or talk to me any more. Me: yeah spaghetti for sure!
What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
*strums ukulele* This one goes out to my ex wife, Lucy. It's called "I know how much you hate ukuleles so I wrote a 9 minute ukulele song"
What is white, and 14 inches long. Absolutely nothing.
What do you call a boat that gives you nothing but trouble? A woe boat.
Two rules for success! 1. Never reveal everything you know.
To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
I never really liked the word syllable. It's seems pretty full of itself.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON-Never mind, I found it.
Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store? For the watch? Not really He knows nothing, you can only buy the watch online.
Oh boy, I am desperate! My bowels do churn. Too many tacos! I never will learn. Pardon me, Sir! I believe it's my turn. - Horton Has to Poo
20 yrs from now they'll make a movie on how Leonardo DeCaprio never won an Oscar. Plot twist the actor playing him wins an Oscar.
My grandfather got his tongue shot off during WWII He never talked about it.
I hate being friends with the repo-guy He only comes around when he wants something.
Wayne Gretzy at a party... Gets folks to drink by yelling, "You miss 100% of the shots you never take!!!!"
I got pulled over by a female cop.. When i asked what's wrong, she said "NOTHING!!"
Julian Assange became a role model for hackers worldwide by crashing at a friend's place indefinitely & never paying his share of any bills.
They should have never given you girls fake eyelashes. This chick just blinked and it sounded like a flock of pigeons took off.