aging jokes

If liquor stores ask for ID to prove you're old enough to drink, Forever 21 should ask for ID to prove you're young enough for those shorts.

If Thomas Jefferson was alive today people would scream "What the hell? You're almost 300 years old!"

"Dad, why isn't there chocolate meatloaf?" - my brilliant 3 year old son Patrick

There are so many old jokes on this subreddit... Want to hear a new one? 1.

I've only been eating 6 spiders instead of 8 every year so I'll have plenty for retirement.

What is old and ugly and can see just as well from both ends ? A witch with a blindfold !

A police man saw a black man beating up an old lady. Why didn't he do anything? Because he wasn't racist!

I was arrested for punching an elderly African-American lady at Home Depot. My wife told me to find a Black N' Decker.

What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man? The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.

So I was nailing my girl from behind ... After we were done she turns to me and says. "my friends tell me you are a pedophile." To which I reply "That is an awfully big word for a 10 year old"

I miss the old days. When a duck face meant that you had a stroke.

My grandfather told me he closed one eye whenever he saw a jew in the good old days... He was a sniper

That Old Man An Old man knocked on my door and asked for the donation towards the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

My mother gave me her old dildo She said it's been in the family for centuries.....

I always keep an old key and a map with random X's all over it in my pocket so that shortly after my death occurs a treasure hunt ensues.

Why does the new new French navy have glass bottomed boats? So they can see the old French navy.

Why do old men take Viagra... It stops them from rolling out of bed.

you mean the story about the elderly lady who had some sort of fur coming out of her lower back? oh thats nothing but an old wives tail

What's the difference between a Toronto Maple Leafs fan and a 14-year old girl? Nothing. They are both just waiting for the first period to be over.

shout out to old people for graduating high school without google

Men are like old car tires. Balding full of hot air and it never hurts to have a spare.

In my old age, I am like a fine wine... Fifteen percent alcohol by volume.

Have you ever tried to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich? That's what its like to fuck a 90 year old

I have the body of a 25-year-old girl, a 25-year-old who has recently been eaten by a 40-year-old bear.