aging jokes

What is the difference between an 8 year old fine wine and a bad wine? One does their chores while complaining, the other doesn't do them at all.

What's long, hard, and fucks old people? Osteoporosis

LASSIE: Arf! What's that girl? Timmy's in the old well? L: Arf arf He's dead? You sure? L: Arf! Okay here's a check for $5K L: ima need cash

What disease do elderly dinosaurs get? Jurassic Parkinsons

I use to worked with an 82 year old. He always had extremely vulgar jokes. "Hey Ken, got any new jokes?" 'Nope, didn't go to Church this week.'

Full Disclosure: I get most of my jokes from a 13 year old Amish kid named Caleb.

Why don't you ever watch old people have sex? You ever spread open a grilled cheese?

I was at the ATM, and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, So I pushed her over.

Old tourist joke German tourist arrives at a French airport. Immigration officer asks him: "Occupation?" The German replies: "No, no, just visiting."

If you're too old to get teen pregnant but still want to see a look of disappointment on your father's face, may I suggest a short haircut.

WIFE: I think he's in a midlife crisis "Why, did he buy a new car?" WIFE: not yet [I pull up on a sleigh pulled by roughly 1000 raccoons]

Rules for a happy relationship 1. The wife is always right. 2. If the wife is wrong, see rule number 1. i know it's an old joke but it's my favorite

Did you hear about the elderly seamstress with poor vision? She doesn't mend straight anymore.

I contacted and arranged for a meet with an undercover FBI agent to show my skills in deduction and reasoning.. Unfortunately,a 14 yr old girl showed up at the coffee shop

Two elderly men are lounging on the porch of the Socialist Nudist Club, and one says to the other.... "Say old chap, have you read Marx?" "Why yes. It's these bloody wicker chairs!"

Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? Just taught my 15 year old German Shepard to play dead! Cocky bastard is trying to set a record too! Been that way for eight hours now...

New bum For my birthday, I'm asking for a new bum. My old one's got a crack in it

What do elderly zombies crave? BRAAAAAAAAAAAAANS

Best medieval joke you know. Go. "In days of old where men were bold and rubbers weren't invented, men wore socks around their cocks and babies were prevented."

"Wow you're one of the nicest old ladies I've ever met!"- me, loudly to a random old lady so my mom can hear

Senior year of high school is a lot like a retirement home... You don't work anymore, you hate everyone who's younger than you, and in a few months, all of your old friends will be dead to you.

What do kids yell at old people who are just trying to play? GET OFF MY LAN!

So, I understand Michael Jackson died from food poisoning... ...he choked on a 9-year old weiner.

So I'm in line at the ATM. And the old woman in front of me asked me to help her check her balance.. So I pushed her over