money jokes

Could you buy me something cheap for lunch, please? Sure thing, how about the gluten? It's free

Teacher: Why do you want to work in a bank Alan? Fred: 'Cuz there's money in it sir.

I broke up with my girlfriend, who is an Optometrist She meant well, but she was just too annoying in bed. She was always saying, "So, do you like it better like this.... or like this?"

How do you tell how rich a black man is. By how many gold chains he has, how do you tell how rich a white man is? By how many slaves he has.

I hate paying my income tax. You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile? I'd like to but they insist on money

A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese businessman and an Italian from New York were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them...

IAN: I broke my leg once ME: I've never broken a bone, touch wood [touches wood] THE UNIVERSE: THIS MAN WILL NEVER BREAK A BONE

I saved a ton of money on cool sports cars, vacation getaways and NFL season tickets by having children.

Q: What do you call a credit union volunteer in a room full of bank directors? A: A superior being.

Seems like the most reliable way to get rid of some people is just to lend them money....))

Instead of "In God We Trust" written on our money, we should have "In Money We Trust" written on our bibles.

'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' is the reason I always donate money to Planned Parenthood.

Today is National 'Secure a rich lover' Day Mate wealth, 2016.

How does a Ethiopian show that they are rich? They wear a rolex watch around their waist.

Why are executioners so rich? Because they make a killing

I tried to send an e-mail and broke my computer. How do you manage that? I think it was when I tried to push it through the letterbox.

What's the easiest way for a Gorilla hunter to make money? Collect unemployment insurance!

What do you calla person that inherits a lot of money? A millionheir.

It's weird that you need money to stay alive.

We have a local weatherman who often forecasts "changeable skies." He makes a lot of money to make that call.

Why arent There Many jewish gardeners? Because money doesnt grow on trees

This Facebook is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account.

Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make... Then they call me ugly and poor.

My watch broke a week ago I've been meaning to replace it but I don't have the time