technology jokes

Honey can you buy me a new phone? What about the other one? He's buying me a tablet.

Phone Women are like IPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond! Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

How do you blow up a Muslim's phone? Put it on airplane mode.

Just cracked Forest Gump's password. 1forest1

TECH TIP: to prolong your iPhone's battery life, keep it surrounded by a small Druidic altar of oak leaves and blanched chicken bones #tech

So if you want to be sure your internet history is deleted, just whisper 'please delete my internet history' into any hole on the computer

Q: What's the Internet's favorite animal? A: The lynx.

Apple is developing an iPhone that pregnant women can swallow so fetuses can go online since they have nothing else to do in there.

"millennials sure do love APPS!!" i can edit a movie on my phone. you used to harass women for recreation. go back to watching suits grandpa

My computer has a virus. It's called the common cold. It makes your computer freeze up.

I never ask my kids to call me, I just change the Netflix password and then don't respond to their texts.

I pretend I'm on the phone when entering a barbershop & say "I stabbed him only cause I hate small talk " so he doesn't try to talk to me.

That depressing moment when you plug your phone in your charger and hours later you realise your charger wasn't plugged in.

If I can't buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.

[ brings ouija board to your grave ] "Okay, now will you tell me why her number was in your phone?"

Anything I search on the internet just shows weird porn... What is the world coming to?? [ https://explosm.net/comics/2576/ ]

[At historic site] Guide: Questions? Me: What's the wifi password? G: I meant about 19th century life. M: Oh....Dost thou have thy password?

What is the computer's favorite food? Microchips.

Alone floating on a raft in the pool. Asked the neighbor to call my home phone and ask someone to bring me a beer. Work smarter not harder.

What did Hillary Clinton say when they took down her private email server? R.I.P. My Inbox

Is there an app to delete your number out of other people's phones yet?

Do you deliver? A man rings up his local Indian restaurant and asks, "Do you deliver?" And the man at the other end of the phone replies, "Nah mate. Just beef, chicken and lamb."

Wanna know how to piss off over a billion people on the Internet at once? [deleted]

I dropped my laptop in the middle of the ocean A dell must be rolling in the deep