travel jokes

Yo mamma's so fat when she went on vacation, the locals correctly identified her as an American

This is your pilot speaking. If you have any requests, please give them to the flight attendant. Anyway, here's Wonderwall.

Never kick a porcupine wearing flip flops. Cause they're obviously on vacation and why ruin their holiday?

Did you hear about the tourist who visited France? He went to Paris and saw an Eiffel

Where do bacteria like to vacation? Germany

OPRAH AND AIRPORT SECURITY Q: Did you hear why Rosie O'Donnell got arrested? A: Airport security lifted up her dress and found 200 pounds of crack.

wow american really nailed the demographic of the 6am business traveler with the in flight movie selection of madagascar 3

I could solve the energy crisis if there was a way to harness the power of how precisely wrong the airport security line I always pick is.

A photon checks into a hotel.. The bellhop asks, "Can I help you with your luggage?" The photon replies, "I don't have any, I'm traveling light."

What is brown and gray has eight legs and is carrying a large trunk and a small trunk? A Chihuahua on vacation with an elephant.

I just like to sleep naked... The flight attendant could have been a bit more understanding.

Thanks to a hangover, I was the douche wearing sunglasses inside the airport today.

I like that they put Bibles in hotel rooms. You never know when you're going to run into a vampire who's on a road trip.

How come an extremely angry woman can pack everything she owns in an hour, but it takes her a week to pack for vacation?

A man sued an airline for misplacing his luggage. He unfortunately lost his case.

From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight.

Worst flight I've ever been on. Waited for hours, plane never left the ground.. I'm never flying Airbnb again

A CHICKEN AND AN EGG A chicken and an egg walked into a hotel room. 20 minutes later the chicken came out smoking a cigarette and said, "Well, I guess that solves that question."

So you need Andy Reid to take you to the airport for an international flight... lol you didn't learn anything from 2004?

Fighter plane escorts a passenger jet in to Manchester airport as the pilot reported a suspicious item on board. The United team bringing back a trophy this season.

Top 5 oxymorons: 1. Jumbo shrimp 2. Civil war 3. Virtual reality 4. Great outdoors 5. Family vacation

Who is responsible for a planes rough landing? It's not the passengers fault, it's the not the flight attendants fault, it's the asphalt.

What idiot called it Airport Facilities Maintenance and not Hangar Management?

I visited the ghetto once... Didn't see much, i was in the luggage of a car blindfolded.