I hate when I drop my chili cheese dog in my car and then I have to eat my whole car.
observational jokes
202,469 total · showing the first 120 · page 5 of 5
How many police officers... How many police officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs? None, he fell!
Why is it called a 'dad-bod' and not a 'father-figure'?
My girlfriend has a seashell tattoo on her inner thigh When I put my ear up to it I can smell the ocean
How can you tell your girlfriend is getting to fat? She can wear your wife's clothes.
Gotta be tough for the guy somewhere who has to say "yeah, she left me for Charles Manson."
THERAPIST: what's wrong? WIFE: he always narrates real life- ME: she complained WIFE: see! ME: she exclaimed WIFE: ME: she was speechless
Billy Joel: You may be right, I may be crazy! But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for... Billy Joel's 3 ex-wives: Yeah. Nope.
Onions are the Russian nesting dolls of the vegetable world.
And the award for the best neckwear goes to... Well, will you look at that, it's a tie!
How can you tell if someone lifts? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
What is a ten letter word that starts with gas. Automobile Edit: not really a joke but didnt know where to put it.
A cannibal, a terrorist and a rapist walk into a bar... in their jail cell.
side effects of Cialis may include dragging 2 bath tubs outside to sit in to watch the sunset with your confused but supportive partner
My grandmother finds it important to stay in shape, so she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta, It is now a Ford Focus. I can't claim credit for this one, I heard it on one of my favorite streamers' streams.
There was a masturbating contest ... ... I didn't win though, I came in second place.
Some say I'm an apathetic person... But really, I just don't care.
Thought I saw a walking burrito but it was just a pug in a raincoat.
There's a difference between racism and fact... Niggers are stinky - fact
Q: Why did the little refrigerator salute the big refrigerator? A: Because he was General Electric.
What do you call a lad that put on his glasses? Seymour.
My current favorite people are atheists who are big into astrology.
Describe yourself in three words. I am a rebel.