accountant jokes

I quit my job as an accountant It was just too taxing

When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

What's a shy and retiring accountant? An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.

Did you hear about the accountant who daydreams about being an actuary? He craved more risk.

Ask a lawyer what 2 + 2 is... Ask a lawyer what 2+2 is he'll say 5 Ask an engineer and he'll say 4 Ask an accountant and he'll look right back at you and say "what do you want"

What did the accountant do when he was constipated? He worked it out with a pencil.

Why can't you fight an accountant ? They'll always out number you!

What's the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.

Why was the accountant constipated? He couldn't budget.

How does an accountant relieve his constipation? He works it out with a pencil

How do you know when an accountant's on holidays? He doesn't wear a tie to work and comes in after 8.30.

I'm a bokeper Q: Isn't that bookkeeper? A: People always mix me up with my brother. He's... a double-entry bookkeeper.

How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to Marketing before saying No

An accountant at a bank was constipated Apparently he couldn't budget, but he worked it out with a pencil and paper and it was all good.

An accountant who disappears with all his client's money is a math magician.

I heard that no real accountants were consulted during the filming of the new movie The Accountant. They want the movie to be entertaining.

my accountant: look at ur currently monthly budget: RENT: $800 GAS: $200 CHEEZ-ITS: $2,750 me: ur right, i need a cheaper place.

We've hired a new accountant. Her name is Helen Wait. Anyone expecting a check from us can go to Helen Wait.

Accounting Joke: Why did the accountant cross the road? Because that's what they did last year.

This is a robbery In some firm, two masked thieves enter: -This is a robbery The accountant, relieved: -Thank GOD, I thought it was the IRS.

What's the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room? Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

Brought my 5 year old to the tax office to ensure that the accountant works as quickly as possible.