taxi driver jokes

Did you hear about the Lord Of The Rings and Taxi Driver fanatic who had a bit of a stutter? He said to his friend, "Jay, R, R you Tolkein to me?"

me: Go back! uber driver: Did I miss the turn? me [already in the front seat trying to find the station that was playing Taylor Swift]

if i were a cab driver, i'd scream "ROAD TRIP" every time i got a passenger

How do you ask an Uber driver if he drives for Lyft, too? Do you even Lyft bro? (I'll see myself out)

I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. Turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.

Why did the cab driver did not get time for his family? Because he was Uber busy.

I know it's not safe but our taxi driver keeps falling asleep at every light and it's getting hilarious

Why did the cab driver get a divorce? Because he had a fare.

"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers" - new york's most hated cab driver

I have a good friend who was retired but he needs extra $$$ so he took a job as a taxi driver. Last night, he pulled out to avoid a kid. ... and fell off the sofa.

*requests Uber* *climbs in backseat* Uber driver: "Where to?" Me: "oh, nowhere. I just don't like to change my diaper in the street."

Uber driver just asked me "how much would you pay to go swimming in the sky?" I wish I hadn't seen how dilated his pupils were. Also, $975.

This cab driver is THE WORST. I keep telling him "You passed my house, let me out" & he's all like "Sir I'm a cop and your under arrest for public nudity and intoxication."

What do you call a cab driver who lost his brakes? A screwdriver

Just payed a cab driver $10 not to beat two dudes with a tire iron because they didn't have cab fare. #fact #trueshit #newyorkmoment

My uber driver asked me how my day was so I opened the door and quietly rolled into the road.

My cab driver just described Seattle as "Not that horrible of a place." Get that guy a job on the tourism board.

ME: Hmm. My biggest weakness? Tough question. I guess some people say I'm delusional UBER DRIVER: I didn't say anything

Father O'Flannagan and the Taxi Driver