environment jokes

My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark..

"Dad, how come we use plastic forks and my friends all have silverware?" - Because they're poor and have to reuse everything. "Pfft losers"

It would be funny if, with everyone freaking out about global warming we ended up dying in a good old 60s throwback nuclear war with Russia.

Why are recycle bins optimistic? Because they're full of cans. *ba dum tss*

My 1-year-old stabbed a stuffed animal with a broken plastic spoon. She learned to fight in prison.

Wife must be planning to paint the house. I found plastic & tape under our bed. Not sure what the shovel & pistol are for.

A guy walks into a doctors office wearing nothing but clear plastic wrap... Doctor: "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."

Carbon Dating. What Carbon does when its lonely.

A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his bum. Doctors described his condition as "stable". #manicmonday

My mate went for a penis enlargement yesterday. Apparently it's now a foot. Worst plastic surgeon ever...

LIBERAL PARENTS REFUSE TO GIVE NAUGHTY TEEN COAL: "fossils fuels cause global warming" "billy woke up to solar panels in his stocking"

I just used one of those plastic grocery dividers to let my wife know exactly where the middle of the bed is.

"500 Days of Summer" was pretty good for a movie I was expecting to be about global warming.

What did the Chinese guy say to his wife after her botched plastic surgery? Honey, why the wrong face?

I tear the plastic off of dry cleaning with the same intensity Hulk Hogan ripped off his tiny yellow tanktops.

Man was rushed to ER after putting 4 plastic horses up his ass... After being treated, doctor described his state as stable

The First Order from Star Wars VII were very environmentally conscious... ...because their Starkiller base was solar powered.

hey, so much for global warming -- look at all this snow! and so much for global globalness, look how flat it is out there!

Why do they ask you if you want paper or plastic at the supermarket? Because baggers can't be choosers.

Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter.

There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery... One day the group leader comes in and says "I see a lot of new faces this week... I must say, I'm disappointed!"

Dandruff. Plastic bags. Dish soap --> things more interesting than my friends' Facebook updates

Not sure if you're a pretentious douchebag? Do you buy honey in a plastic flip-top bear? No? Pretentious douchebag.

I would never buy a plastic 3D printed car Unless it came with ABS.