graduation jokes

I wanted to major in reverse psychology. My dream school turned me down. So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their stupid program. They sent me a diploma.

I'd advise you graduates to keep your graduation gown. It's the only outfit you might not outgrow.

Was told to unfold my graduation gown to get rid of the square creases replied that I'd rather graduate with more degrees.

What's the difference between an arts graduate and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family

"Boy, when I was your age I used to walk fifteen miles to school." "Oh, is that why you didn't graduate"

[graduation] ...and I owe it all to my mom, and my late dad *sheds tear* [crowd cries] *dad walks in holding starbucks* "traffic, my bad"

I guess the Tupperware lids in my house just graduate and go off to college or something.

My family puts the "C" in Awckward because the majority of them didn't graduate high school and are horrible spellers.

[graduation speech] all of our parents had sex during the same year and i think that's really great

What do you want to be when you graduate high school? "No more than 25" from Gary Muledeer

Few disc jockeys ever graduate to horses.

How do you get a Harvard Graduate off your porch? You pay him for the pizza.

How many graduate students does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but it takes nine years.

How do you know that someone you met is a Harvard graduate? He already told you so.

My local HBCU started a new Graduate Degree Program If you do 4 years in the field for your Master's, they let you work in the kitchen.

"Hey, graduate student Minotaur, what are you up to today?" "Not much, just working on my Theseus."

What 11 letter word does every Yale graduate spell incorrectly? I n c o r r e c t l y

My essay for graduate school reeks of bullshit and broken dreams disguised as lessons learned.

How do you get a Harvard graduate off your doorstep? Tip him for the pizza.

My graduation Speech "I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you."

Dad: "So what are you going to do after you graduate?" Me: "well, mom said we'll probably go out somewhere to eat"

Sensei: always expect the unexpected *pulls out picnic blanket* Me: *instantly pulls out picnic basket* Sensei: *hands me ninja diploma*

My friend has a PHD. Even though he only has a Public Highschool Diploma, he has been living a pretty happy life. Side note: My father loves to make this joke, so I had to share.

What did the clothes designer say to her son at his graduation? "I'm Prada you son."