At trial, a Volkswagen engineer is called to the stand to explain why they participated in the 'clean diesel' debacle. He claims he is not guilty. He said he was just following...odors.
engineer jokes
134 total · showing the first 120 · page 2 of 5
CIVIL ENGINEER: ok let's build stuff. UNCIVIL ENGINEER: *smashes popsicle stick bridge*
An engineer major asks... "How can we build this?" A business major asks, "How can we finance this?" A liberal arts major asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
How do you know a stranger could be an engineer? Don't worry they'll tell you.
I've got a friend who is a structural engineer. He's always complaining about stress at work. EDIT: damn I wish I got karma for this post.
Engineering joke At work today I told an engineer I liked the cool shapes in his design. "Oh, it's not intentional," he responded. "It's mostly in compression."
What does an Engineer use for contraception? His personality!
(New version) How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three, one to genetically engineer people small enough to fit in a light bulb, and two to do the rest.
What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher? One minds the train the other trains the mind.
Should I include "hard working and honest" in my resume? Applying for a software engineer's role at Volkswagen.
How do you know an engineer is an extrovert? He stares at *your* shoes while he talks to you.
I asked my web server engineer wife to give me head. All I got was information and not the actual act.
Just got a job as a software engineer for the government! My career as a professional shit poster is really gonna take off
How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer? Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".
Arguing with an engineer is like mud wrestling a pig... You'll never win and eventually you'll figure out that the pig likes it.
What did the electrical engineer do when she found out that she hadn't won the lottery? She soldered on.
Traffic Two civil engineers were competing for a bid to do the road layout for a city. The engineer that lost accused the other of cheating, to which the winner said "Roundabouts are fair play".
How do you tell the difference between an introvert or extrovert software engineer? The extrovert looks at your feet when talking.
While walking home from the gym... I saw one of my aerospace engineer buddies at Starbucks. He was buried in his work when I walked next to him and asked, "bruh, do you even lift?"
How can you tell when you are talking to an extroverted engineer? They look at your feet instead of theirs.
Optimists, pessimists, and engineers An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees a glass half empty. An engineer sees a glass that is twice as big as it needs to be.
How can you tell someone is an engineer? They'll tell you! (Source: am an engineer)
Ask a lawyer what 2 + 2 is... Ask a lawyer what 2+2 is he'll say 5 Ask an engineer and he'll say 4 Ask an accountant and he'll look right back at you and say "what do you want"
The engineer goes to the bathroom and takes a dump. Because everything these assholes do is shit