engineer jokes

If I was an engineer, I would turn emo. My inventions would be "Cutting Edge"

Why did the engineer buy a mattress? To sleep under it

[engineer looking at blueprints] "Well, here's your problem right here. You built this thing on rock and roll."

How we know that God is not an engineer When designing the human body, an engineer would not run a sewer line through a recreational area.

What's the difference between a mechanical and a civil engineer? One builds weapons and the other build targets.

Why did the Computer Engineer retire young? He had a lot of cache.

I wait tables with an obnoxious ex-mechanical engineer... ...he's always going on and on about the restaurant's utensil modulus.

How is called the funeral of an electrical engineer? Grounding

Why did the dyslexic engineer fail college? Because he didn't understand psychics.

I heard a crazy train engineer in Mexico killed a bunch of people last week. Yeah. He had a loco motive.

Q. How can you tell if an engineer is an extrovert? A. Because they look at *your* shoes when they're talking to you.

Q: Why did the engineer put a clock under his desk? A: He wanted to work overtime.

Old Twitter is what you'd get if an engineer brought New Twitter to Steve Jobs, and Steve beat on him relentlessly to simplify it.

What's the difference between an engineer and a prostitute? An engineer makes a lot of fucking money, whereas a prostitute could make a lot of money fucking.

Why did the engineer put a clock under his desk? He wanted to work overtime.

Being a software engineer is pretty cool because I can just stare at my screen/zone out & if anybody questions me I say I'm optimizing code

A scientist and an engineer walk into a bar... The scientist says "I'll have some H2O." The engineer says "I'll have H2O, too." The engineer dies.

As a Volkswagen Engineer, do you know what really grinds my gears? The Tiptronic transmission, actually, but I invented these noise cancelling headphones!

Engineers How do you tell if an engineer is an extrovert? They look at *your* shoes while they talk to you.

An Italian engineer was kidnapped in Nigeria. Demands were sent via email to his family, but they just got deleted as spam.

What do you call an ESA engineer serving the comet lander? Philae Minion

What does an engineer use for birth control? Their personality.

How can you tell an engineer is an extrovert? He looks at your shoes when he talks to you.

What is the difference between a Mechanical Engineer and a Civil Engineer? A Mechanical Engineer makes weapons, a Civil Engineer makes targets.