language jokes

My friend told me that I didn't know the meaning of the word "ironic"... ...which was ironic, because we were at the train station.

I take for granite people's poor grammar. More pacifically, how there always thinking "for all intensive purposes" is supposably correct.

[knock at door] Cop: open up, it's the police Me [doing an Estonian accent]: I'm not here Cop: are you in Estonia? Me: I am. I'm in Estonia

A good pun is like a good steak A medium rare well done.

Autocorrect changed smell to spell but you know what? Your spelling is horrible too.

Grammar joke I told my girlfriend "sweetie, I want you beside me, in front of me,behind me, on top of me, under me, and to the left and right of me" she said "Honey, are you prepositioning me?"

Say what you will about grammar nazis At least they aren't anti-semantic.

What does a virgin woman and a shotgun have In common? One cock and they're ready to burst. EDIT: grammar, thanks /u/J7T12

The words 'selfie' and 'twerk' have been added to the dictionary this year while 'charm' and 'dignity' have been removed.

WTF!!!! My son just called me the N-word!! Neglectful

Good, good, good, if it isn't that guy who isn't very well at grammar

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.

WE WOULD BE RICH IF YOU SAID JUST ONE DAMN WORD! -drunken me to my dog

Proper grammar is the difference... ... between knowing your shit and not knowing you're shit.

Not a joke, but just wondering, am I the only one who reads these jokes in a Southern accent?

What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement? "Firetruck"

Listen auto-correct, I've never tweeted about a duck. But I've tweeted the word fuck over 2648 times. Smart phone my ass.

i've always struggled spelling out "blood" with my fingers because it always comes out looking like "bbool"

Yoga, a Hindi word meaning I hope I don't fart

How many grammar nazi's does it take to change a light bulb How many grammar Nazis does it take to change a light bulb? FTFY.

Today, coworker deemed herself "unscareable". Now I have no choice but to hide in the backseat of her car with an axe & correct her grammar.

Classical pun Why have they not found Mozart's body yet? Because he is Haydn.

Jokes 1. Something said in the pursuit of laughter. 2. A short tale with an end worth laughs after. 3. A noun you expect commands no respect. Root word "jocus". This limerick: disaster.

Atheists don't believe in God or the "i before e except after c" rule of spelling.