Cosby/Fogle for President! Americans can forget the last 8 years happened and feel like kids again.
parenting jokes
3,596 total · showing the first 120 · page 2 of 5
I accidentally arrived at work five minutes early today. Speeding CAN be dangerous, kids.
I was walking down the street earlier and saw two kids fighting As an adult I had to step in. They didn't stand a chance.
My boss has stopped letting me leave early for my son's Little League games ever since he learned he's in his second year of college.
A lot of parents are asking questions about my baby cannon. Like "Does it really fire babies?" & "Have you seen my son Jeff?"
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
At my daughter's dance recital. Wait. I don't have any kids. I'm leaving. These girls suck at ballet.
A jewish Santa enters an house and asks... "OK kids, what do you want to buy ?"
Why doesn't Santa Claus have any kids? Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down a chimney.
How many kids with ADSD does it take to change a lightbulb? "Lets go ride our bikes!"
If a family's last name is Smear, do the kids call their grandpa Pap Smear?
I like it when my kids are old enough to drink out of the toilet on their own. That way I don't have to get out of bed to get them a drink.
A baby's laugh is one of the most beautiful things a person can hear... ...unless it's 3 a.m., and you're home alone, and you don't have any kids.
What's the difference between pedophile and acne? Acne waits till puberty to come all over the kids face
Usain Bolt doesn't know shit bout speed compared to a parent putting their hand over their kids mouth when they see someone w/ an eye patch.
What did the Hispanic firefighter name his kids? Jose and Hose-B
WTF!!!! My son just called me the N-word!! Neglectful
Kids are back to school & all I do is worry about their guinea pig. Is she lonely? Bored? Silly? I should probably hold her. I need a life.
What does raccoon say to a lion king Raccoon say raccoon a matama ... Thank u my son
Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today. School Secretary: Who is this? Pupil: This is my father speaking!
When our kids were teenagers we moved; hoping it would help with family strife. It didn't work, unfortunately. They found us.
What do pancakes and kids have in common? The first one usually gets screwed up.
*Police arrested two kids* ** Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.**
Why doesn't Santa give gifts to naughty kids? Because it'd Krampus style.