ceo jokes

The world loves Apple But Apple's CEO loves banana's

"Our new model works 40 percent of the time. Best one, yet. Congratulations, everyone." - CEO of automatic paper towel dispenser company

I love it when corporations have a sassy "human" Twitter presence, like their CEO wouldn't cut your mom's throat for a nickel.

After record breaking single day sales at Chic-Fil-a amid the same sex controversy today CEO of Jack in the Box Ted Fuller said he "hates Jews and Mexicans."

In 2010 the Apple CEO came to my house and started taking my cleaning supplies.. Bloody Jobs, stealing my polish!

A woman's favorite position is CEO.

First Executive Order: All pornstars must now be blonde.

My son just paced back and forth dictating his letter to Santa like a high-powered CEO. Forget Prada, the Devil wears Ironman pyjamas.

Volkswagen CEO Martin Winterkorn has gotten off pretty lucky... The last German who tried to gas that many people had to commit suicide!

"WHERE ARE ALL MY PITCHES AT!?!?!?!?" -upset marketing executive

If Carly Fiorina really wants to destroy Planned Parenthood, she should become its CEO <badumpa>

Did you hear about the Meat Packing CEO? He built his empire from the ground up. Ground up meat.

The CEO of Apple came out gay... Now we know why the iPhone 6 can't stay straight

If you get invited to an AT&T; executive's wedding, don't go. The reception will be terrible.

How did Ellen Pao get her job as CEO or Reddit? [Deleted]

Oompa Loopa Doopity Doo Here's an executive order for you...

Did you hear the CEO of Twitter got in trouble for buying shares of rival companies? I guess it was a conflict of Pinterest.

[radioshack meeting] employee: sir, overall sales are really low. CEO: when did we start selling overalls, bro?

(Adobe CEO's house) Like the new couch hun? Update it. What about the wallpap... UPDATE IT ALL. You're scaring the ki... UPDATE THEM TOO...

hi yeah I'm here about the junior executive position. my skills? well I'm SUPER GOOD at playing video games i found too difficult as a child

Apparently SeaWorld CEO has declared an end to kissing and dancing for its performing Orcas... Now those whales will know how I felt at my high school prom!

IamA personal executive assistant answering questions on behalf of former Toronto mayor, Rob Ford, AMA! Whoops, wrong *sub.* [The Payoff](http://wompwompwomp.com/)

Apple's CEO Tim Cook has announced he is gay. Samsung's CEO is expected to announce tomorrow he is waaay gayer.

I can't believe Trump just issued an executive order changing Dora the Explorer to "Doreen the Submissive Housewife"