If I had but one life to give for my country it would be a lawyer's.
lawyer jokes
472 total · showing the first 120 · page 4 of 5
Why did the lawyer with a torn ACL still win the marathon? (OC) Because he had the power of a torn knee
[dog on trial for murder] lawyer: who's a good boy? dog: I am lawyer: your honor I rest my case
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning and you could only save one of them would you go to lunch or read the paper?
Judge: The defendant is claiming you're a nazi. Is this true? Lawyer: *flustered* er no fuhrer questions your honour *courtroom gasps*
So a man buying stolen goods gets caught, and is given one phone call, who does he call? His de-fence attorney!
Cop: Save it for the JUDGE! Crook:Ok *crook wraps up last slice of pizza in foil* Lawyer: it's too bad the judge had to miss our pizza party
Great, iTunes terms and conditions has changed and my attorney is on vacation. Just perfect.
My favourite lawyer joke What do you call 10'000 lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean? A good start!
Why did the lawyer have sex with the devil? Because he'd already screwed everyone else!
What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? About three pounds, including the urn.
What's the hardest thing about becoming a lawyer in Ireland? Passing the bar.
It was so cold out this morning... ...that I saw a lawyer sticking his hands in his *own* pockets.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of dirt? A: The bucket.
In the 1945-6 Nuremberg Trials what should have been the opening statement from the defence counsel representing the Nazi War criminals? 'If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.'
Step 1:Make pillows with"Love" printed on them Step 2:Become a lawyer Step 3:Defend men who smother their GF with love Step 4:Become rich
"Give me the best quality TV commercial I can get for $57!" -Every attorney apparently
A man waiting for a heart transplant... ... says "I only want the heart of a dead lawyer." "Why?" asks the doctor. "I want one that's never been used."
A man walks into a bar and yells, "All Lawyers are assholes!" Someone at the bar stands up and says, "I take offense to that." "Why? Are you a lawyer?" "No. I'm an asshole."
Somewhere, some Nigerian lawyer is wondering why you're not sending him the personal information that he needs to give you your inheritance
How do you keep a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him.
What do a sperm and a lawyer have in common? They each have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
A 95 year old man and a 93 year old woman file for divorce. Lawyer: Why divorce now after all this time together? Woman: We wanted to wait until the kids were dead.
According to daytime tv commercials..just by being alive, you may entitled to compensation from somebody and a lawyer is there to get paid